Michael Graham Will Not be Ignored

My Response to Michael is in Blue

— On Wed, 2/25/09, Michael Graham <michael@telefonica.net> wrote:

> From: Michael Graham <michael@telefonica.net>
> Subject: Last and final notice!!
> To: michaelgham@rediffmail.com
> Date: Wednesday, February 25, 2009, 4:44 AM
> Attention,
>
> I will like to start with reminding you that your unclaimed
> inheritance is still lurking around, up till now I am amazed
> at the way you have ignored all the notice I have sent out
> to you. This message will be the last notice that I will be
> sending out to you.
>
> Upon the receipt of this mail I will want you to reconfirm
> to me your details and also tell me the reason why you have
> kept quiet all the while; I do believe you should have a
> logical answer to that. I also will like for you to know
> that I have some new developments on ground which I believe
> will be good news to you.
>
> I will advice that you do not abandon this message and
> respond as a matter of urgency so that we can get done with
> your claim.
>
> Best regards
>
> Michael Graham
> Associate Solicitor.
> Tel: +447031997793
> Tel: +447024053610
> michaelgraham1(at)rediffmail.com.

———————————————–

From: romablack@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Last and Final Notice!!
Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009, 9:54 AM

Michael,

You proclaim amazement at my quietude.

You wonder why I have ignored your emails thus far.

Michael. Do you think it’s because I do not care? Because I wish to let a large inheritance just be re-absorbed by the government or other authorities? Michael, please. We have known eachother for too long to make assumptions on each others character.

I’ll tell you why I’ve been so quiet, Michael. It’s because I have Acute Stage 3 digitaliosis-a rare virus which starts at the outer extremities and moves up the arms, directly into the brain where it will eventually cause me to act out traumas from my past. (already I’ve been having thoughts of masturbating in high school locker room, drowning puppies, etc).

In short, over the last few months I’ve been losing (on average) a finger a week. How am I typing this you ask? Is it a prosthesis, or perhaps even a special typing wand?

I’ll tell you. Two weeks ago, while I lay in bed bitterly lamenting the fact that my inheritance is going unclaimed, a small, clever howler monkey named Gnerv entered my window. It said it would give me one wish if I could answer a riddle.

The answer to the riddle, by the way, is “head cheese.”

And my wish, of course, was to have the monkey type you an email response, post haste!

Unfortunately the wish will wear off after today, and then I will have to go back to watching the black, lichen-like virus creep up my fore-arms.

If you could just please send me a check, I will make sure to put it to good use. I could buy some ointment for my disease-ravaged hands. I could invest the money in the howler monkey earth protection plan. Did you know that howler monkeys are on the endangered species list?

I must go now. I can feel a trauma attack coming on strong and wouldn’t want you to be caught in the crossfire of blood, tic tacs, and semen.

All my best wishes to you and your children,
Roma Black (AND GNERV, THE HOWLER MONKEY GNERV ROCKS!!!)