Arlene Shirlee : Dear Spammer, I Love You

November 13, 2009

Allistair Goldheart to Pegeen: “I like to mix erotica with advanced mathematical concepts like Hypernical Splits and Logothrusts.”

Filed under: Allistair Goldheart — ArleneShirlee @ 4:32 am
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From: Norah Robinson <>
Sent: Tue, November 10, 2009 4:04:46 AM
Subject: Meetup?

Helloo I go by the name Pegeen

I am truly hoping to possibly setting up a meet up in Sfbay. I wonder if you might be literally the same type of chap I immediately like.

I am 19 1/2 years old, just out of music school and not aroused in anything severe, just a playful buddy :). Here is a latest image of me attached.

You can see all my info and a lots of pictures on this date site I am part of. Few of them will show some individual parts :D.

Here is the date site I am talking abt

After you sign up, go to the search and type in: debb949 (that’s my username  there)
If you like me, please drop me a message there :D. call me soon as you get my # on here..

wish to find out from you asap!


Hi Foxy Pegeen!

I am overjoyed to receive your email. I’ve been having rotten luck dating, lately! To be truthful, all I have been getting are emails from flabby old nanny goats who want me to be their next husband or something! NO way, hosay! They can march those droopy gams all the way to the tear factory to cry the world a river.

Older women can be so bitter,  and greedy too, but you, Pegeen… are like a fresh young whippoorwill, dancing nimbly on the heathers of youthhood. (I wrote that just for you because your hair looks like it would smell of fresh heather)

A little about me, I am divorced, 55, and have written a few books you may have heard of “Mining for Love” (a guide for dating rich men)  “Love investments” (a guide for keeping your rich man happy) and “Mutual Bonding” (a lovemaking guide for pleasuring your rich man). After taking a long hiatus in asia (where I learned the secrets of the crimson yam), I have begun writing again, this time a book of poeetry called “2X Gold” it’s kind of experimental! I mix erotica with advanced mathematical concepts, such as Hypernical Splits and Logothrusts. (math can be very sexy, most people don’t realize this!)

Well, I hope I am not being too forward, but i have to admit you look like you have very supple sexual organs. I hope you’re doing your kegel excercises! If you don’t, you’ll get a lapsed vulva (this happened to my grandmother, and it’s all she talks about, ugh!.)

I am glad to hear you are not aroused in anything severe!! (There’s lots of distasteful sites out there, displaying women in bondage, or worse, being gang-raped! I cannot believe it). I agree with you, the best kinds of lovemaking is the “non severe” kind where two spirits of fire unite and call the crimson yam to bring them to ecstasy.

I hope to hear from you soon, foxy!

Allistair Goldheart to Gift Jenny Scott: “Your passion is alive, and it clutches my throat like a gentle assasin wearing velvet gloves. “

Filed under: Allistair Goldheart — ArleneShirlee @ 4:22 am
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From: Gift Jenny Scott <>
Subject: Friendship Invitation
Date: Tuesday, November 3, 2009, 8:13 AM

Good Afternoon,
How are you doing today,i hope all is well with you over there..i hope my mail finds you in a very good mood just as your mail also find me in a very good mood,My full name is Gift Jenny Scott,I know you believe that good things come to those who wait, but my wonder is ..Well i just saw your email as i was going through yahoo people search then i just taught that i should send me a mail so we could know more about each other more better… why does it take so long for those good things to arrive, and why does the wait have to come with all these obstacles of hard and testing times?,let me tell u a little about my self i am 30 years From United State  single , don’t have kids never married before and have no  kids but was ones in a relationship that never went well,Well i want you to understand that why i left the state was not my Fault if that my Dad was still alive i will still be in the state and life would have not be the way it is right now for me and my mum… i  work with an international orphanage home a charity organization that is Affiliated to UNICEF here we work in all around the world helping the homeless kids mostly Orphans  we help the less villager kids out of the street and  give them good life and upbringing and orphans, Right now i am in United Kingdom, London , cos my Mom is from the UK  and my Father is  from the  United State when i was three i lost My  Father  so me and my Mom just have to come back to United Kingdom cos life was not good for us there any more and that is why i am here today where we are helping the homeless kids and we are going all around the world to do this , but i live parnently here in the UK , i think i really have a great passion for kids and that is why i am working with them, i help as a Volunteer Teacher and Nurse cos i have a Degree in Nursing i am an RN Nurse,  I Teach and take care of  kids from the ages of 5/10 as a Volunteer Teach and Nurse in any Orphanage home that we visit.    I am a very Down to Earth Lady , caring kind and Romantic Lady, i love to travel have fun and meet new people , i love Sports and i love to be in a very good Shape,and i have a very good and high sex drive i love to try New Things and be happy.

I Never believed in online dating just not been treated well with the men I have met locally so thought I give it a go and see how things work out. Though I am not trying to play hard to get wouldn’t want to rush things up as they say once beaten twice shy. I guess we take our time, till we both have the feelings to move forward.
I am a romantic person and I do believe in love and I believe that there is a special person out there for everyone in this world. I sometimes feel that each one of us is born with a bit of their heart or a bit of there soul missing, and that each one of us searches long time for that piece of their heart or piece of their soul that is missing, and that we do not know peace, happiness or true contentment until we find that person that has a match for our heart and soul … I do believe that I will find her one day, and I know we will live together happily forever .I am serious good mannered and have good sense of humor, I知 Smart, Confident, Romantic, Responsible, Kind, Gentle, Supportive, Cheerful, romantic ,poetic I love going to the Cinema, Shopping, Beaches, Parks, Trekking in hills, Meeting with friends, gardening and most especially spend time together with my soul mate. All I’m missing is a good hearten and honest partner, who is willing to stay with me and share all my Joy, Sorrows and Happiness someone who is clever and fun to be with, passionate and open for new experiences.

I think what i want in my life right now is some one that has so much energy that can give me the best of Love making love and  try new thing and go on a very good adventure and that is while i am on that site i don’t care where the person is from i just want to meet some one that we can make our dream and Happiness. Phantasy’s come to reality so tell me about ur self and what u are looking lets see how we can meet and have some good time .   I will have to stop here now and i will be waiting for ur reply.Hope to read from you soon..
Take care

Gift Cares!!!!

Date: November 1, 2009
Subject: Re: Friendship invitation

Hello Foxy!

Allow me to introduce myself–my name is Allistair Goldheart. You may have heard of me through one of the books I’ve written: Mining for Love, Love Investments, or Mutual Bonding?  They are all books on how to love rich men! (You can buy the box set on amazon for $49.00)

You sure talk a pretty game, and seem to be a well-balanced and lively lady.  Not at all like my wife who recently left me–her main passion in life was buying shoes on Ebay. Did you know she had over 300 pairs of Ugg boots? Somehow I sense you are the type of woman who would own just one simple pair of pumps, and wear them until they fall off of her feet. Then, you would go to the local cobbler (probably a kind and/or mentally retarded old man) and ask him to carve you up a brand new pair of shoes and you would step into the world as a new woman. (I sound like I should be writing for commercials, don’t I?!)

I understand what you mean, about being mauled by orphans.  Back in 1985 some quote unquote “kids of mine” decided to track me down while I was in the middle of a very important lecture at Penn State University. They claimed that I was their father, but when I asked them to wait to speak with me  until after my lecture they picked up some antipasti from the buffet table and threw it right at my face! No child of mine would behave so rudely, I tell you. And nothing stings worse than a cornichon in the eye.

So, um, I don’t know how to broach this subject but since  I believe in radical honesty so I’m just going to come out and say it: I have a very large penis. I am not saying this to brag, but only to let you know because some women have found it to be a hindrance and/or painful while making love with me. However, let me reassure you that there are several positions we can try that, given my girth and length, will make you scream howdy jesus. I spent a considerable time in the orient, studying various tantric techniques, and trust me I know to “unfold the lotus.”  I know it sounds like I’m rushing things but I can’t help how undeniably turned on you’ve made me with your note. Your passion is alive, and it clutches my throat like a gentle assasin wearing velvet gloves.

Well, I look forward to hearing more from you, my dear Gift! (Is that your real name seriously??) Perhaps we can go trekking sometime soon, or if you want to get to know me via emails, I am open to exploring that too. As I said, I am recently divorced so no marraige for me right now! Still, you have me quite taken, my dear.

Sweet dreams!

Introducing our newest Spamfighter: Allistair Goldheart!

Filed under: Allistair Goldheart — ArleneShirlee @ 4:03 am
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Hola, everyone! Well it seems the more spammer love letters I publish online, the more I am approached by people who share the same filthy habit I do.  Meet Allistair Goldheart. He wrote several self-help books in the late 70’s on how to date rich men, got married to one of his golddiggers, and now is recently divorced and yes, ladies so very SINGLE!! He loves to write steamy letters to porn spambots, but lacks the courage to actually put himself on so if you feel so inspired, drop him a line at and tell him all about your boobcam!

I hope Allistair will be a regular poster here at “Dear Spammer I love You.”


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