BEULAH BIJOUX TO HARRISON KARN: “IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME SAY IT I DONT’ WANT NO RATFINK LAWYERS INTERCEDING IN OUR BUSINESS”

— On Wed, 11/4/09, FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com> wrote:

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: The details of the Attorney
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 6:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 04/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Based on the picture you painted and irrespective of my resolved to help you, I do not think that we can handle the situation over here. So I suggest you make use of an attorney to do the signing for you. Please, contact the attorney whose details are stated below:-

Name: Barrister Charles Eke (SAN)

Name of the legal firm: Eligwe Chambers

Address: No. 23 Collins Avenue , Victoria Island , Lagos Nigeria

Telephone No: +234- 8027519939

Email: eligwechambers@gmx.de or eligwechambers@lawyer.com

He is a very good and dedicated lawyer, he is also God fearing. I know that he can make the difference for you. Do remember that you are not to pay for his legal fees until you confirm your payment with your bankers.

However, shall provide for the administrative fees, e.g. the stamp-duty of the Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment, as he shall not finance your transaction; attorneys are prohibited by law against it.

Instruct him to prepare to be in my office between Fridays, 6th of November to Friday, 13^th of November 2009, with your file reference number: FBNP/X-XI/NGV/2009, for the signing of your payment documents.

Thanks, as I expect to hear from you introducing the attorney as your official representative.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Dept

First Bank of Nigeria PLC

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: November 5th, 2009

Subject: Re: The Details of the Attorney”

DEAR MR. NIGERIA, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX, NOW I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN AND RARELY TAKE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN BUT WHAT IN THE CRAP ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WITH LAWYERS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUYING ME A TICKET TO FLY TO NIGERIA, AND I WAS BUSY PACKING MY BAGS AND NOW YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT LAWYERS? I HAVE NOTHING BUT BAD ASSOCIATIONS WITH LAWYERS. LAWYERS ARE THE REASON MY SISTERS EX HUSBAND (WHO ATTEMPTED TO CHOKE HER WITH A TURKEY LEG ONE THANKSGIVING) RUNS FREE IN THE WORLD, AND LAWYERS ARE WHY MY GRANDDADDY LOST HIS ESTATES AND WAS SENT TO AN INSTITUTION WHERE THEY LEFT HIM IN A CORNER DROOLING UNTIL HE DIED A LONELY BROKEN MAN.

I SUPPOSE IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT MY LATE HUSBAND ALSO DID NOT TRUST LAWYERS INFACT HE HAD A JOKE HE TOLD  THAT GOES LIKE THIS–“A LAWYER, A MONKEY, AND SANTA CLAUS WERE IN HEAVEN WAITING AT THE PEARLY GATES. GOD LOOKED AT THE MONKEY AND SAID YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER BIT NOBODY, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.”  HE LOOKED AT SANTA AND SAID “YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER DIDDLED NO KIDS AND YOU STAYED FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.” HE LOOKED AT THE  LAWYER, AND SAID “YOU TOOK A WRONG TURN BUDDY, GO CHECK YOUR MAP.”

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, THEN SAY IT TO ME, I DO NOT WANT NO RATFINK LAWYERS INTERCEDING IN OUR BUSINESS AFFAIRS. YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD MAN AND I WONDER WHY YOU WOULD AGREE TO LET CORRUPT LAYWERS HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS,
BEULAH BIJOUX

I FOUND IT IN MY HOPE CHEST

Beulah Bijoux to Harrison Karn: “IS IT TRUE YOUR GOING TO FLY ME TO NIGERIA FOR A NICE VACATION??”

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: We have commenced the process
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, November 2, 2009, 8:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 02/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Your mail and the content well noted. We have commenced the processing of your payment today. However, it is very important that I intimate you with the full procedure of this transaction to prepare you ahead.

Firstly, you have to give this your transaction the attention it deserve because we have huge task to clear all unpaid debts and can only achieve this with your maximum cooperation and your willingness to adhere to instructions.

We have received instruction form the Presidency, Federal Republic of Nigeria to release a total sum of US$5,500,000.00 (Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) to you in two tranches. US$800,000.00 (Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be first installment while the balance US$4,700,000.00 (Four Million Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be release to you within two you received the first installment. We have applied for the final approval and for the payment documents, i.e. Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment; these documents shall be ready by Thursday 5^th of November 2009, for signing.

Based on this information you are expected in my office between Friday, 6^th of November through Wednesday, 13^th of November 2009 (6working days) for the signing of these documents before your funds shall be effectively transferred into your bank account.

However, in a situation where you can not make it to Nigeria within this stated time, you should let us know early so that we can make alternative arrangement. We can help you by suggesting the names and contacts of some the government nominated attorneys that can help you in signing the documents to facilitating the release of your funds.

Please, feel free to contact me anytime on my direct telephone number +234-80559-11132, for further discussion if need be.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Department

First Bank of Nigeria PLC

From: Beulah Bijxoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Re: We have commenced the process

HELLO MR. HARRISON, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX AND I JUST RECEIVED YOUR LETTER, IS IT TRUE YOU ARE GOING TO FLY ME TO NIGERIA FOR A NICE VACATION??? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY HONESTLY!!!!!  I HAVEN’T FLOWN ANYWHERE SINCE FUJI IN 1996, A YEAR BEFORE MY DEAR HUSBAND PASSED AWAY. WE ATE LOTS OF SMOKE MACKEREL, AND THEY SANG TO US AT THE RESTAURANT, SO LOVELY!!!

BEFORE I ACCEPT YOUR PLANE TICKET, I HAVE TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS. AS YOU KNOW I AM 93 YEARS OLD AND SUFFER FROM SEVERAL AILEMENTS RANGING FROM ALPERS DISEASE TO A LAPSED VULVA (THIS IS WHERE THE VULVA DISAPPEARS INTO THE BODY AND IS REABSORBED INTO THE SACRAL LUMBAR REGIONS OF THE BODY). I ALSO HAVE THE TROLLYWOOPS AFTER I EAT SPICY FOODS.  I NEED TO KNOW IS THERE GOING TO BE A DOCTOR OR A NURSE ON HAND SHOULD I HAVE ONE OF MY FITS?

I AM ALSO WONDERING CAN I BRING MY NEGRO CLEANING LADY OPHELIA BROWN WITH ME? SHE SAYS SHE HAS SOME RELATIVES SHE’D LIKE TO CATCH UP WITH, DO YOU KNOW HER?  I FIGURE IT’S A SMALL WORLD, AND YOUR PEOPLE TEND TO CLUSTER TOGETHER. THAT IS ONE THING I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED ABOUT THE NEGRO, THEY ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR FAMILIES NOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER OR MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER WHO LEAVE ME ALONE IN THIS DRAFTY HOUSE WITHOUT A PHONE CALL. DID YOU KNOW THAT PRESIDENT FORD AGED MY CHEESE BY AT LEAST 8 YEARS? ALL I CAN DO IS LAUGH. ANYWAY, ABOUT OPHELIA SHE IS VERY QUIET AND TIDY AND I PROMISE SHE WILL NOT CAUSE TOO MUCH OF A FUSS.

ALSO, OH!!  DO ANY OF YOUR STORES CARRY YOOHOO BEVERAGE? IT IS ALL I CAN DRINK NOW BESIDES WATER, AND I HEAR YOUR WATER ISN’T SAFE TO DRINK. I HOPE THAT DOESN’T SOUND RACIST, BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED THE NEGRO WAYS. I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU GET CLEAN WATER AND A GOOD HOT MEAL.

WELL, OPHELIA IS HERE AND SHE IS READY TO GREASE DOWN MY LEGS. I WISH I HAD NICE LEGS LIKE I USED TO, DID YOU KNOW I WON MY LEGS IN A CONTEST YEARS AGO? I WORE AS SHORT OF SKIRTS AS I COULD GET AWAY WITH WITHOUT BEING CLUBBED BY MY FATHER.

WELL, PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS, AND SUCH. I AM GLAD THAT I MIGHT HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE TO SEE THE WORLD BEFORE I DIE! I WILL BRING YOU A GIFT WHEN I ARRIVE, DO YOU LIKE MOLASSES DROOPS?

SPECIFICALLY YOURS
BEE BEE

Beulah Bijoux to James: “I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL LIKE A VIBROLEG MINI”

— On Tue, 10/27/09, James <beckafide7@gmail.com> wrote:

From: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>
Subject: Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.
To: “beulahbijoux@yahoo.com” <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 6:28 PM

Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.I saw your post on WordPress and I thought you might
be someone who may need a custom website built for free to further your cause.
I am supervising design students right now who are looking for a few real projects to buildin exchange for a good reference and to use the site as an example site to show future clients.
There are no catches or costs.  Having a site online only requires web hosting
which is $5 month and includes the domain name also for free.

If you would like more info on the free website program please email me back for more info.
Let me know what type of site you are in need of.
The restrictions are:
site must be under 10 pages in size.
the site cannot be adult in nature.
I do not do sites with flash movies on them.
Just professional business sites.

I gladly do links , logos, custom backgrounds, blogs, forums, shopping carts, movies, audio, and WordPress blogs
Up to ten pages in size.  All for no cost during our free design program.

If its something you could use then lets talk about it !
Thanks for your time.  James

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>

Date: October 28,2009

Subject: Re: Re: WordPress post: Freeweb site design / wordpress setup offer.

HELLO MR. JAMES THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (WIFE OF MOLASSES TYCOON BUSTER BIJOUX) AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A WORDPRESS, IS THIS A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? I JUST GOT MY COMPUTER AND THAT IS AS FAR AS IT GOES WITH ME, I TOLD MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER NO FANCY BELLS, JUST A COMPUTER SO I CAN STAY IN TOUCH WITH MY NEPHEW OVER IN IRAQ AND THAT IS WHAT SHE GOT ME.

SO FAR I AM NOT VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE TO ME, HOW DO THEY GET MY ADDRESS? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MY NEPHEW BUT NOW EVERYONE WRITES ME LETTERS AND I HAVE A HARD TIME KEEPING UP. MY MOTHER TOLD ME IT’S RUDE TO IGNORE LETTERS, SO I HAVE TO WRITE TO YOU BUT HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WITH THIS “WORD” PRESS, IS IT A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? MY LITTLE BROTHER JOHNNY BIJOUX BROUGHT US SOME FANCY MACHINE FROM POLAND IN 1946 HE SAID IT WAS ABLE TO READ NAZI RADIO TELEPHATHY SIGNALS, BUT ALL IT DID WAS SIT IN THE HOUSE TAKING UP SPACE AND STINKING TO HIGH HEAVEN UNTIL THE NEGRO MAIDS DID AWAY WITH IT. JOHNNY CLAIMED THAT HE PICKED UP A FEW SIGNALS FROM NAZIS THAT ESCAPED AND HE WENT OUT SEARCHING FOR THEM WITH HIS BAYONET RIFLE BUT WHEN HE CAME BACK HE HAD ONLY A HANDFUL OF DEAD RABBITS AND HE WAS NEVER THE SAME. I HATE RABBITS.

I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO BUY YOUR WORDPRESS MACHINE, I AM SORRY BUT I AM VERY OLD AND I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL FOR MY HEALTH LIKE THE VIBROLEG MINI (FOR MY ALPERS DISEASE) OR A JACKRABBIT INTERNAL MASSAUSE.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SALES,
SPECIFICALLY YOURS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE)

WHERE CAN I FIND THESE

First Bank of Nigeria to Beulah Bijoux: “Your Husband Molasses Bijoux was a good man from what I’ve heard.”

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/200

Date: 23/10/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

We write to acknowledge the receipt of your mail. Your late husband Molasses Bijoux was a good man from what I heard and I am assuring that what every that belong to you shall never waste. Please, forward the following information as stated below to us to enable us commences the processing of your payment.

1) Your full names and address.

2) Your telephone and fax numbers.

3) The details of the bank account where you want us to transfer your funds with your bankers address and telephone number.

The supply of these information are necessary prerequisite before we commence the processing of your payment. Once the information are supplied and verified with what we have in our database, we shall commence the process of releasing the payment to you, so supply them as soon as possible.

Please, feel free to contact me on my direct telephone number +234-80559-11132, for further explanation.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Dept

First Bank of Nigeria PLC


From: Beulah Bijoux
To: FirstBank Info
Date: October 28th, 2009
Subject: Re: Notification for the month of October

DEAR HARRISON, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX, THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS ABOUT MY LATE HUSBAND, HE WAS A GOOD MAN, PROVIDED WELL FOR HIS FAMILY AND NEVER LATE FOR DINNER. I DO MISS HIM, AND I WOULD DO NEARLY ANYTHING TO GET HIM BACK. ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I PLAN TO DO WITH THE MONEY, IS HIRE AN EXCAVATION TEAM TO DIG HIM OUT OF THE BLOCK HE IS FROZEN IN. I BELIEVE HIS DEATH WAS OF FOUL PLAY, BUT I CAN’T TELL FOR SURE BECAUSE HE IS SO FAR DOWN THERE. THERE WAS SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY IN THE MOLLASSES PLANT, THEY STARTED USING MONKEYS TO HELP WITH SMALL TASKS LIKE SCREWING JARS AND I THINK SOME OF THE MONKEYS BEGAN DRINKING THE PETROMALT THEY USED FOR THE AMBER MOLASSES. (A LIGHTER MOLASSES BETTER FOR BAKING GINGERBREAD) THE MONKEYS STARTED TO GET VERY AGGRESSIVE AND I THEY PROBABLY WENT FOR THE “ALFA” MALE WHICH WAS MY DEAR HUSBAND. (I AM INCLUDING A PICTURE OF THE MONKEY I THINK WAS BEHIND IT)

SO WHAT KIND OF INFORMATION DO YOU NEED TO KNOW? I AM MOSTLY DEAF, SO I CAN’T TALK BY PHONE. I ALWAYS DO MY BANKING AT THE DEL RAY CREDIT UNION OVER THERE IN GLADESDALE THE ONLY BANK NOT RUN BY JEWS. I HAVEN’T LOOKED AT MY ACCOUNT FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW, BUT I SUPPOSE SINCE YOU ARE A GOOD MAN WHO RESPECTS MY HUSBANDS NAME, I CAN ACCOMODATE YOU IT’S 643-874-548-221 YOU CAN ASK FOR BELINDA.

I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON, MY FRIEND, AND NOW THIS OLD LADY MUST TAKE HER FIZZY ALPERS TABLETS AND OFF TO BED.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS, BEULAH BEE BEE BIJOUX.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MONKEY?

Beulah Bijoux to Chen Guan: “WHERE DO I FIND A CHINESE RESTAURANT THAT SERVES REAL CHINESE FOOD LIKE EGG FOO YOUNG?”

From: Mary E Sarko <MSarko@matcmadison.edu>

To: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

Date: October 27th, 2009

Subject: Can I Trust You.

Dear Friend,

My name is Mr. Chen Guan from Bank of China, Hong Kong. I have a secured business proposal worth $17,300,000.00 United States Dollars. It is very safe and secured.

Contact me for more details if your are interested you can reach me at chenguantrust@yahoo.com.hk for more details.

SPECAIL NOTICE PLEASE IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED KINDLY DELETE THIS EMAIL DON’T REPLY, IT IS FOR ONLY INTERSTED PERSON.

PLEASE SEND ALL YOUR RESPONSE TO chenguantrust@yahoo.com.hk SO THAT I CAN REACH YOU.

Regards,
Mr. Chen Guan.

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Mary E Sarko <MSarko@matcmadison.edu>

Date: October 27th, 2009

Subject: RE: Can I trust you.

HELLO MR CHEN, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE) AND I WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU RIGHT NOW. I AM NEW TO THE WHOLE COMPUTER MAIL THING SO PLEASE FORGIVE THE GOOF-UPS I MAKE.MY LATE HUSBAND BUSTER, (THE MOLASSES TYCOON, YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF HIM ON THE NEWS YEARS AGO) WELL HE NEVER TRUSTED THE CHINESE. HE SAID THEY ARE COLD, NEVER SLEEP,  AND USE MATH FOR EVIL. I HOWEVER NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEMS WITH THE CHINESE, OR THEIR FOOD. HOWEVER, RECENTLY MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER AND HER JEW BOYFRIEND (THE JEWS ARE THE ONLY ONES NOT TO TRUST) BROUGHT ME TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, AND I WAS SHOCKED!!! I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE ONE THING ON THE MENU–THEY SAID “THIS IS AN AUTHENTIC CHINESE PLAAAAACE” GRANDMA, ALL SLOW LIKE I’M DEAF OR SOMETHING. ANYWAY, THERE WASN’T ANY CHOP SUEY OR EGG FOO YOUNG ON THE MENU! THEY HAD EGG ROLLS BUT THEY WEREN’T EVEN COOKED. ALL IN ALL IT WAS A BUM DEAL AND I HAD THE TROLLYWOOPS FOR DAYS FROM THE “SKEZWAN” SPICE. (WHY DON’T THEY SPELLIT LIKE IT SOUNDS??)  I AM ASKING YOU, WHERE DO I FIND A CHINESE RESTAURANT THAT SERVES REAL CHINESE FOOD LIKE EGG FOO YOUNG? OR HAS EVERYTHING CHANGED NOW? IN CHINA WHERE YOU LIVE, WHERE DO YOU GO FOR FOOD? I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVEING THAT WHAT I ATE FOR MY BIRTHDAY WAS ANYTHING LIKE WHAT THE REAL CHINESE EAT.

 

WELL, HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON, I HAVE TO DUST BUSTERS OLD TRUMPET NOW.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS,
BEULAH (BEE BEE) BIJOUX

Beulah Bijoux to Elishiapi: “GET A FEW SACKS OF CORNMEAL AND PRACTICE YOUR JABS ON THOSE.”

From: <elishiapi@yahoo.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 7:48 PM
Subject: and take off your pinafore
To: beulahbijoux@gmail.com

I hated and feared him with every bone in my body http://yugautoimport.ru/blushes.html

From: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com

To: <elishiapi@yahoo.com>

Date: october 22, 2009

Subject: Re: nd take off your pinafore

HELLO DEARIE, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE) I AM NEW TO THE COMPUTER SO YOU WILL FORGIVE ME IF I MAKE A FEW GOOFS ALONG THE WAY. I WANTED TO WRITE YOU BACK BECAUSE YOUR MESSAGE MADE ME VERY SAD FOR YOU. FIRST OF ALL, AS MY MOTHER USED TO TELL ME WHEN MY DAD WAS BURIED “YOU DON’T LET ANY MAN CAUSE THE FEAR IN YOU” AND HERE YOU SAY YOU FEAR HIM WITH EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY?  WHY IS THAT? IS HE VERY LARGE OR MUSCULAR? DOES HE HAVE ANY WEAPONS HE SHOWS YOU? DOES HE DO ROUGH WHOOPIE PLAY LIKE CHINSTRAPPING? MY LATE HUSBAND BUSTER TRIED TO CHINSTRAP ME ONCE AND THAT WAS IT–I MADE HIM  SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR A WEEK WHLE I HAD MY SITZ BATHS AND PRAYED TO THE LORD FOR REVIVAL.

ANYWAY I WANT TO REACH OUT TO YOU TO LET YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR. NOT AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A GOOD SHARP KNIFE SO DO YOU HAVE ONE? I AM NOT SAYING BE VIOLENT BECAUSE THE LORD IS COMPASSIONATE AND WE ARE HIS LAMBS. I AM SAYING, IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, ITS GOOD TO KNOW YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF WITH ONE QUICK JAB. GET A FEW SACKS OF CORNMEAL TOO, AND PRACTICE YOUR JABS ON THOSE, AND BE CAREFUL OF BONES THEY WILL GET IN THE WAY.

AFERWARDS, YOU CAN HAVE YOURSELF SOME NICE CORN PONE, WITH A LITTLE MELTED BUTTER ON TOP. MY DOCTOR SAYS NO BUTTER FOR THIS LADY, DUE TO MY ALPERS BUT I HAVE ALWAYS PUT MY THUMB UP MY NOSE FOR THOSE DOCTORS!! LIVE IS SHORT!

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, MY DEAR AND IF YOU NEED ANY TIPS WITH THE KNIFE SKILLS I CAN PULL UP MY MOTHERS POLICE FILES AND WE CAN FIGURE IT OUT.

YOURS SPECIFICALLY,
BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE)

OKAY WH

Beulah Bijoux to Harrison KARN: “MY CLEANING LADY IS A NEGRO AND SHE ALWAYS LEAVES ME A PEPPERMINT WHEEL ON MY PILLOW WHEN SHE IS DONE.”

From:HarrisonKARN <Webmail8@w46m2hmoq.homepage.t-online.de>

To: Beulah Bijox <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

Date: October 20, 2009

Subject:Re: Notification for the month of October, 2009

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC.

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

#35 MARINA, LAGOS.

TEL: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

YOUR OUTSTANDING PAYMENT WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA.

Following a Dibt Buy –Back Agreement (DBA) reached between our bank and the Federal Government of Nigeria under the 2008/2009 fiscal year schemes.

Your outstanding payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria will now be paid through our bank (First Bank of Nigeria   PLC.) under the terms of the Dept Buy- Back Agreement (DBA). We are to pay your company immediately while the government will refund our bank through Federal Government Treasury bills in favor of our bank maturing in 2010.

In your file, it was discovered that there were some irregularities because you have not followed the due process  of clearance and payment, that is why you have not receive your fund even after all approval have been given. However, we have been able to sort these irregularities out.

Subsequently, Federal Republic of Nigeria (FGN) order contract number p24k was sued to this bank directing us to remit your fund immediately. Please send immediately your bank information, private telephone and fax number to avoid wrongful transfer of your funds.

You are advised to call me as soon as you receive this message on my direct telephone: +234-80559-11132, or through the email address: firstbank_nig@zoho.com, for further information.

Best regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Dept

First Bank of Nigeria PLC

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: HarrisonKARN<Webmail8@w46m2hmoq.homepage.t-online.de>

Date: October 20, 2009

Subject: Re: Notification for the month of October

HELLO THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX, (BEE BEE)  (WIDOW OF MOLASSES TYCOON BUSTER BIJOUX)  AND I AM RESPONDING TO YOUR INQUIRY ABOUT MY PAST DUE BILL WITH THE BANK OF NIGERIA.I HAVE GIVEN THE STARVING AFRICANS MUCH OF MY HUSBANDS HARD-EARNED MONEY IN MY DAY, I AM FRIENDS WITH SALLY STRUTHERS AND AM FAMILIAR WITH THE DOWN AND OUT WAYS OF THE STARVING AFRICANS. HOWEVER, I HAVE NEVER DONE NO  BUSINESS WITH THE BANK OF NIGERIA–MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER SAYS THIS MIGHT POSSIBLY BE A SCAM BUT IN THIS DAY AND AGE WHO HAS TIME TO TRY TO GET MONEY FROM PEOPLE THROUGH A COMPUTER??? IT IS SILLY. MY HUSBAND WORKED HARD IN THE MOLASSESS FACTORY, COMING HOME STICKY AND BROWN AND THEN THE DOGS WOULD LICK HIM CLEAN AND WE’D HAVE A GOOD CHUCKLE. HE WORKED HIS WAY UP TO CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER AND KEPT VERY ACCURANT BANK RECORDS, AND I CANNOT SEE ANY EVIDENCE OF BANK OF NIGERIA ON HIS BOOKS.YOU KNOW, DESPITE WHAT MY FRIENDS SAY ABOUT THE NEGRO, I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND THEM TO BE TRUSTWORTHY AND WISE. MY CLEANING LADY WEEZIE IS A NEGRO AND SHE HAS ALWAYS DONE A GOOD JOB, NEVER COMPLAINS, AND LEAVES ME PEPPERMINT WHEELS ON MY PILLOW WHEN SHE IS DONE.

THE NIGERIANS HAVE IT ROUGH, SALLY STRUTHERS SAYS THAT THE LITTLE KIDS HAVE SWOLLEN-OUT BELLIES BECAUSE THEY SELL ALL THEIR BEEF CATTLE TO AMERICA AND SO ALL THEY HAVE TO EAT IS SOME GRASS OR SOMETHING. I HAVE GIVEN, AND GIVEN, AND GIVEN, AND I JUST CAN’T GIVE NO MORE.

I CANNOT PROVIDE YOU WITH ANY MORE OF MY LATE-HUSBANDS MONEY BUT IF YOU GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESS I WILL SEND YOU A BOTTLE OF BLACK-STRAP MOLLASSES (IT IS GOOD FOR IRON DEFICIENCY!)

I NEED TO TAKE MY PILLS NOW, MR. HARRISON. I HOPE YOU FIND THE RIGHT PERSON WHO OWES YOU MONEY.
YOURS SPECIFICALLY,
BEULAH BIJOUX

WEEZY LEAVES THESE FOR ME AFTER SHE CLEANS

Beulah Bijoux to Carol Washington: “THERE IS A REASON GOD PUT HAIR THERE.”

From: Carol Washington <carolwashington3977542@yahoo.com>

To: Beulah Bijoux <beaulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

Date: October 19th, 2009

Subject: Fwd: good day. it is happy.

it is happy   http://www.sandra4398.efyluaeuuu.us/

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Carol Washington <carolwashington3977542@yahoo.com>

Date: October 19th, 2009

Subject: Re: Fwd: Good day. it is happy.

DEAR CAROL, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE) WIDOW OF THE GREAT MOLASSES TYCOON BUSTER BIJOUX. I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE AND I  DID CONTROL-ALT-DELETE ON THE BLUELINK BUT IT JUST LED ME TO HORRIBLE DISGUSTING PICTURES OF WOMEN’S AND MENS GENITALS!!!!!  IS IT ME OR ARE GENITALS MORE HORRIFYING THEN THEY USED TO BE? THERE IS A REASON GOD PUT HAIR THERE, AND THAT IS TO COVER UP THE SHREDDED LOOKING FLAPS OF A WOMAN. WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO SEE THIS? DO MEN LIKE LOOKING AT THE SHREDDED FLAPS? OR IS IT THE LESBEANS WHO HAVE PUT THEM UP TO IT. I HAVE A LAPSED VULVA AND I CERTAINLY DON’T LIKE TO SHOW IT TO ANYONE (HOWEVER I HAVE LOST ALL MY HAIR DOWN THERE DUE TO AGE). MAYBE IT’S A MARKETING PLOY TO KEEP THE RAZOR PEOPLE IN BUSINESS, IT MUST TAKE HOURS TO SHAVE A WOMAN THAT WAY!

NEEDLESS TO SAY, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE MY FRIEND I AM OPEN TO THAT. HOWEVER, I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVEN’T HAD A GOOD DAY SINCE THE HORMEL PARADE IN 1978. (MY HUSBAND MADE A FLOATER THERE).

I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON. I AM ENCLOSING A PICTURE OF MY LATE HUSBAND, BUSTER.
BEE BEE

Buster Bijoux, RIP my heart, my love, my molasses king.

Beulah Bijoux to Mr. Meatpiece: “HAVE YOU EVER TRIED HORSE STRAPPING?”

From: <sumlikitruf02@yahoo.com>

To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com

Date: October 19th, 2009

Subject: Strengthen your meatpiece

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From: Beulah Bijoux (beaulahbijoux@yahoo.com)

To: <sumlikitruf02@yahoo.com>

Date: October 19th, 2009

Subject: Re: Strengthen your meatpiece

DEAR MR, MEATPIECE, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (WIDOW OF THE MOLASSES TYCOON LATE BUSTER BIJOUX) AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING TALKED TO LIKE THAT BECAUSE I AM AN OLD WOMAN. YOU THINK EVERYONE JUST WANTS TO JUMP INTO THE BED WITH YOU, BUT YOU ARE WRONG. I DO NOT KNOW YOU BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU IF I WAS YOUNGER AND I DID KNOW YOU I STILL WOULDN’T JUMP INTO BED WITH YOU. I ONLY MADE WHOOPIE TO ONE MAN ONLY!!!! AND THAT IS BUSTER. (WELL, OKAY NOW THAT HE IS DEAD I CAN ADMIT THERE WAS MRS O’LEARY AT THE PENNYMART BUT SHE OFFERED ME DISCOUNT ON BUTTONS)

THESE DAYS I CANNOT GET OUT VERY MUCH–I HAVE STAGE THREE ALPERS DISEASE AND THE DOCTOR JUST TOLD ME I MIGHT NEED BENCH DIALYSIS SOON. HOWEVER, I DO NOT WANT TO BE RUDE AND IGNORE YOUR MESSAGE TO ME. DO YOU HAVE PEOPLE YOU CAN TALK TO? MAYBE YOU COULD LIKE SOME ADVICE FROM A GRANNY–OH YES I KNOW A THING OR TWO! JUST BECAUSE I AM 93 YEARS OLD WITH A LAPSED VULVA DOESN’T MEAN I KNOW DIDDLY SQUAT. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW MANY TRICKS YOU YOUNG PEOPLE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF. FOR INSTANCE, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF HORSE-STRAPPING? HAVE YOU EVER TIED A NANNY KNOT? NO PROBABLY NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO BUSY BEING VULGAR AND PROPASITIONING GRANNIES ON THE COMPUTER.

WELL, MY NURSE IS HERE TO  GREASE UP MY LEGS. I HOPE YOU TAKE CARE, AND GOD BLESS.
YOURS SINCERELY,
BEULAH (BEE BEE) BIJOUX

Introducing: Beulah Bijoux. “Go sit somewhere else until you can speak nicely”

WHAT SHOULD I TYPE HERE CONTROL ALT DELETE CONTROL ALT DELETE

Well, howdy and shoot me in the face!  It’s been brought to my attention that I am not the only person who writes love letters to spammers, what?!!!?? A good friend of mine alterted me to another woman who is doing the same thing: Her Grandmother, Beulah. How does she know? Because her grandmother CC’s her accidentally on every email she sends. She just got her first computer and, after spending an hour trying to turn it on using the TV remote,  quickly got herself email account and began her impassioned responses to everyone from penis enhancer salesmen to nigerian bank scammers.  I contacted Beulah recently, asking her if she’d like to make guest appearances on my blog. This was her response:

from: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

to: Leena Shirlee <arlene.squirtley@gmail.com>

Date: October 15th, 2009 3:43PM

Subject: Hi Beulah! I am XXXXXXX’s friend. Would you like to be on my blog?

HELLO DEARIE, THIS IS BEULAH ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH MY GRANDDAUGHER? WELL, I GUESS SHE NEEDS SOME GOOD PEOPLE IN HER LIFE SO SHE DOESN’T END UP SHELLACKED ON SOME STORE FRONT LOOTING BABIES FROM KINDERWHEELS. I HAVE HAD A VERY HARD AND LONG LIFE, LOTS OF MEDICATIONS NOW AND I DON’T NEED ANYMORE MONKEY BUSINESS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT A BOG IS–. DOES IT MEAN YOU WANT MY MONEY? BECAUSE I GOT NO MORE TO GIVE, ESPECIALLY NOT TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER WHO MARRIED THE JEW WHO DISGRACED HER AND NOW HE LOOKS AT ME EVERYTIME LIKE HE HOPES I CROAK SO THEY GAN TAKE MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY AND GO TRAMPING ABOUT LIKE VAGABUNS.. I GIVE AND I GIVE AND I GOT NO MORE.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS, BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE)

Afterwards, I got an email forward from my friend, sent by Beulah to an apparently suicidal spammer:

From: lukens@yahoo.com

To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com

Date: October 15th, 2009 7:43AM

Subject: Go and sit somewhere else where you can speak nicely

I must take care not to die?
http://www.yaran-net.ir/explodes.html

From: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com

To: lukens@yahoo.com

Subject: Re: Go sit somewhere else until you speak nicely

DEAR MR. LUKENS, I AM MRS. BEULAH BIJOUX THE WIFE OF THE LATE BUSTER BIJOUX. I AM NEW TO THE COMPUTER WORLD AND I AM JUST SAYING HELLO THERE!!!! ! I SEE YOU ARE A FAN OF GOOD MANNERS LIKE MYSELF–THERE ARE MANY TIMES WHEN I HEAR SOME TRAMPS GAWING AWAY WITH THEIR GUM AND THEIR CELLOPHONES AND I THINK “GO SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE UNTIL YOU CAN SPEAK NICELY”

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR FRIENDS? I AM OFTEN ALONE HERE IN THIS DRAFTY HOUSE AND I COULD USE A FRIEND LIKE YOU. OKAY YOU KNOW, IT’S NOT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT MONEY BUYS YOU EVERYTHING–IT CAN’T REPLACE THE SADNESS OF LOSING A HUSBAND, OR HAVING A TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER TO DISGRACE YOUR GOOD FAMILY NAME. LONELINESS IS A FOG THAT EATS YOU FROM YOUR INSIDE HEAD. I AM GLAD WE FOUND EACHOTHER.

I WILL TRY MY BEST TO BE A GOOD PEN PAL TO YOU. PLEASE DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG. WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE OLD AND FALLING DOWN IN YOUR PANTS LIKE MYSELF.  OKAY IF YOU ARE A GOD-FAIRING PERSON PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND I WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS,
BEULAH (BEE BEE) BIJOUX.