Leena Shirlee to Fidelity UK Foundation: “I would also like my tubby human heart to be replaced with a hummingbirds heart”

From: <info@fuf.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Grant Prize Notification

The Fidelity UK Foundation,
Oakhill House, 130 Tonbridge Road,
Hildenborough, Kent, TN11 9DZ
Tel; +44702 4073 751
http://www.fidelityfoundation.org

Dear Sir/Madam,

The Fidelity UK Foundation would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. The Fidelity UK Foundation is located in Hildenborough, Kent, UK.

The Fidelity UK Foundation was established in 1988 to strengthen not-for-profit organizations primarily in regions surrounding Fidelity International’s major corporate locations around the world.

Grants from the Foundation are designed to encourage the highest standards of management and long-term self-reliance in non-profit organizations. Taking an investment approach to grant making, we fund organizations where we feel we can add lasting, measurable value. We seek to support major initiatives that charitable organizations undertake to reach new levels of achievement.

We are giving out a yearly donation of 1,000,000.00GBP (One Million Pounds Sterling’s only) each to 10 lucky recipients. These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 10 lucky international recipients worldwide, in different categories. Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide, you were selected amongst the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of 1,000,000.00GBP as charity donations/aid.

CONTACT FOUNDATION ASSISTANT FOR MORE INFORMATION ON YOUR CLAIMS
Name: Amanda Rezaoui
Email: fidelity_fuf11@yahoo.cn

Please note that these donations/Grants are strictly administered by the UN in collaboration with other international institutions and organizations such as the World Bank, OECD, the ILO, the European Investment Bank and UNESCO. You are advised to keep this whole information confidential until you have been able to redeem your donation.

You would be required to send down the following information’s:
==========================================
FULL NAME:
RESIDENT ADDRESS:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
SEX:
DATE OF BIRTH:
OCCUPATION:
TEL:
==========================================
On behalf of the Board kindly, accept our warmest congratulations

Regards,

Kathleen Ward
(Foundation Program Manager)

From: Leena Shirlee

To: <info@fuf.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Re: Grant Prize Notification

Hello Kathleen, and well met this is Leena!

Well, howdy I am so totally stoked that I won the cash donation for my personal development, and I cannot wait to begin the regime I have been planning out for all my years!!!  I’ve been reading lots of  books and attending lectures and seminars. I’ve been gathering my materials and laying everything out on my little ectograph.

Simply put: I want to become the skinniest person alive. Now, I know what you’re saying. “that’s not exactly what we had in mind as far as personal development” and I’m telling you, you’re wrong. From what I’ve researched, the Fidelity UK Foundation has sponsored some highly unusual personal development programs, which I am listing here as a reminder to you so you will understand me.

1987–Wally Baird decides to surgically graft his cheating wife to his buttocks–Fidelity UK pays for the surgery and for each one of her boyfriend  lovers to be turned into ladies.

1991-Jennifer Daly Snow uses Fidelity UK Grant donation to build a health spa for crabs called “Crab Springs” which, due to faulty wiring in the sauna, turned into a successful restaurant called “The Tasty Crab.”

1995–Elmora Jimenez rallies a team of chow chows to carry her across the united states in a bejeweled wagon, while she hands out fur parkas to children in trailer parks. When PETA discovers Elmora’s plan, they set her dogs free one evening while she sleeps. Fidelity UK follows up with a counter-attack that includes fireworks, hotdogs, and nuclear rodeo clowns.

1997– Wishy Vang of Minneapolis uses her Fidelity UK money to be surgically transformed into a clone of the late Michael Landon— so she can marry his widow and live on the Laura Ingalls Wilder Memorial preserve. As of today, Wishy “Paw” Vang is now happy, healthy, with two beautiful daughters and plays the fiddle every night while they sing “Comin up Kitty Hawk Mountain.”

2003– Bill Noire was a simple, earthy man–upon winning his Fidelity UK Grant for developoment, he asked that he be dipped in the purest butter on earth: Fannygold Irish Churny. Unfortunately, Fidelity UK officials misheard him and had him dipped in pure gold; he died instantly.  However, as luck would have it, Bill had recently written a living will which stated that his remains go on display at the Wells Fargo in Cincinatti. This magnificent pure gold statue of Bill Noire is now one of the cities most impressive monuments.

2008– Salvatore D’Angelo of Florence receives his Fidelity UK Award the day he loses his job, and it couldn’t have come at a better time!!  Instead of going home to blow his brains out, he purchases a private helicopter and flies it to Rio where his favorite prostitute now lives with her family. After a solid week of food, debauchery, and bailando papagayo (the annual “parrots dance”) he flies his helicopter directly into a tree, snapping his spinal cord. Never a man to accept defeat, Salvatore discovered a gift of communicating with the dead via Internet Chat, you can watch his show “IM Dead” at 1:00 am on Thursday on Bravo.

Which brings us to the hear 2009 THE YEAR OF SKINNY!!!

I know, I know there are health concerns, but I have carefully mapped out a strategy for myself that will allow me to become rickety without ending up on life support.  My target weight right now is about 38 pounds, but if all goes well and with your help I might be able to squeak down to 31-32!  Why, you wonder, do I want to be the skinniest person in the world? Is it to attract a mate? Is it to fit into my childhood garments? No!! Quite simply, I want to become thin enough to sell my car and travel through the breeze like Mary Poppins!!!! I was deeply affected by this movie as a child, and I worshipped Mary. How amazing to be able to travel through the wind with nothing but a small umbrella!! Just like a bird! I tried this myself but I was too fat and wound up breaking my leg. I have been dieting ever since, hoping to become thin enough to achieve lift-off and I’ve come close a few times, but there was always something getting in the way: My internal organs. So now that I have the Fidelity UK money, I am hoping you will help sponsor me to have a few things removed–don’t worry! Things I don’t really need: 1 kidney, appendix, and about 10 feet of intestine. Also, I discovered that people only need 2/3 of their lung capacity, so I hope to get 1/3 of my lungs shaved off and about 4 of my fat disgusting ribs. I also would like my tubby human heart to be replaced with a hummingbirds heart. I believe that with all of these things, and with your help, I will be able to at last make my dreams come true!!!

Thank you once again, and god bless you,
Leena “Poppins”.

This could be me!!