Arlene Shirlee : Dear Spammer, I Love You

April 4, 2010

Leena Shirlee to Ben Hackett: “Just cuz you’re shootin porn/doesn’t mean you use sloppy form.”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee — ArleneShirlee @ 8:21 pm
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From: Benjamin Hackett

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: March 28th, 2010

Subject: Re: Breakup

WHATTT?
You really got the guts to break up with me over email,bitch??!?!


Tell you what!
I just made a nice compilation of your best scenes and put it up for
download right here.

Guess what,password for opening the file is: youbitch

Oh and btw: This email just went out to your parents.
I bet they didn’t know you’re into dirty stuff like this.

Cheers!

Your ex bf Ben

From: Leena Shirlee
To: Ben Hackett
Date: March 28th
Subject: Re: Re: Breakup

Well Ben, I tried to go to your house to break up with you in person but your dick was in your moms mouth! Since you both looked like you were enjoying yourselves so much I went home and typed an email to you.

thank you for the compilation of my best scenes, however! The lighting at 00:01:34 was a bit off, though. Were using a halogen or tungsten light? Also, it’s not helpful to have the camera guy jerking off while filming, it makes for a very unsteady shot. Do you want your viewers to cum, or throw up from motion sickness? Let me quote from my mother now: “Just cuz you’re shootin porn/doesn’t mean you can use sloppy form.”

I’m happy to consult with you on any film-related questions, however let’s just leave our relationship in the greasy sperm-encrusted ditch I kicked it in.

All my best,
Leena

Leena Shirlee to Nelly Musa: “I come from a long line of wool tycoons.”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee — ArleneShirlee @ 8:13 pm
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From: Nelly Musa

To: Leena Shirlee

Subject: I wish we can become friends.

Date: March 26th, 2010
Hi dear,

how are you today? my name is Nelly Musa Oman i hope that every things
is ok with you as it is my great pleassure to contact you in having
communication with you, please i wish you will have the desire with me so
that we can get to know each other better and see what happened in
future.After getting your contact from(Internet) i pick interest on you,

I will be very happy if you can write me through my email for easiest
communication and to  know all about each other,and also give you my
picture and more details about me, here is my email(nellymusaa@gmail.com)
i will be waiting to hear from you as i wish you all the best for your
day.your new friend, Nelly.Get yourself a cool, short @gmail.com Email ID
now   nellymusaa@gmail.com


From: Leena Shirlee

To: Nely Musa

Date: March 27th, 2010

Subject: Re: I wish we can become friends.

Hello Nelly, well-met this is Leena! I am happy we know eachother! I hope I am not too forward saying this, but you have very nice eyes. The kind of eyes  I would like to gargle with while standing in a vanilla-scented breeze.

I hope you like me! What do you like best about me? Name my three best traits here: (I’ll help you fill out one if you are bashful!)

What I like best about Leena is.

1:

2:

3: BIG HONEST CANS.

From: Nelly Musa

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: March 28th, 2009

Subject: Re: Re: I wish we can become friends

Dear,

I am so much happy for your urgent reply to my email,after reading your email, i got inspired for your honesty.i foud out the following characters in you despite that we have not met for the first time.

i discoverd………….

1, your are honest

2 God fearing,

3,  caring etc, please try and reply my second email to you.

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Nelly Musa

Date: March 27th, 2010

Subject: Re: Re: I  wish we can become friends

Hi Nelly! How are you today? I am doing well. I am glad you have discovered the goodness in me, especially the god fearing goodness.  So many people tell me I am not god fearing enough! I say what more can I do?!  I already pray, go to church, and hang sacrificial geese from my mantle as directed by ecclestiastes 2:16  “And god directed hezekiah to slay the golden goose and display it in his hearth as a signal of his loyalty.”

What is your favorite bible verse?

I have tried so many dating sites, to be honest, and I haven’t been able to find any good christians! Most of them seem like god-fearing people but they always wind up running away from me–lol!! I guess I must be too “hardcore” for them. But I say, if you REALLY believe in the bible, you must take it as the WORD OF GOD even if it means eating pork only on wednesdays, washing your underwear privately (in your bathtub or a bucket in your basement) and salting virgins before baking.

I would like to suggest we have our first date somewhere public–there are “crazies” on the internet, lol!!! Do you like loose leaf teas? There is a tea-house by my church, they have a really amazing chrysanthemum tea. If you don’t like tea, there is also a wheatgrass bar but I won’t drink the demon rum.

In the blood of the lamb,
Leena


From: Nelly Musa

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: March 28th, 2010

Subject: Re: Re: Re: I wish we can become friends

Dear Leena Shirlee

I thank God for some one like you OK,one will never be all perfect to human,yes they may say whatever they like against you but the end will justify the means OK.after the death of my father a lot of opposition came from his relative but i so much thank God whom i believe in.
Always be yourself never you mind what the world may say OK,i guess you are a very busy person but i thank god for time you make available to chat with me,.

i believe as time goes on we will know our self better than this.i m from Liberia and now in Nig. for some reasons which i will disclose to you later as a Friend.

Were are you from/age?

Sincerely,

Nelly


From: Leena Shirlee

To: Nelly Musa

Date: April 4th, 2010

Subject: Re: Re: Re: I wish we can become friends


Nelly!

I am very very  sorry I have been so remiss in my correspondence with you. I hope you are well.

I have been away for the past several days after finding out that “Nettles” our beloved family sheep back home in Minnesota (the farm where I grew up) died a painful death from a rare genetic condition called Pastoricus Scrofulatus or  Barn Scrofula. I didn’t know this but, apparently  when sheep get to be too old, their wool becomes so coarse it is no longer sellable in the wool market. I come from a long line of wool tycoons,  by the way, and we’ve managed to become one of the top dealers in something called “EconoFleece” that is, taking wool from less prime areas on the sheep (such as around the rectal and scrotum area) and treating it with lye so that it becomes very soft. Anyway, as far as poor Nettles is concerned, seeing as we stopped shearing her regularly, she began to nibble off parts of her own wool here and there. The condition causes skin irriations, (among  other things) and we believe she did this to relieve herself of the itching (we also had her on heavy medication)…Well, sad to say but Nettles choked to death on a shank of her own brittle wool. My family feels terrible about this–had we known this was a serious health risk we would have kept shearing her regularly. But you know how it is when you’ve got a big business to run.

I know it sounds like a silly thing seeing as it’s a sheep but Nettles was in our family for years, and was there for many of my “growing pains” as a teenager. Losing her felt like losing a sister.  We are all very sad.

Anyway, as far as our date is concerned, I think I need a little bit of time to get over this deep loss before I commit to anything. I keep praying to Jesus to remove my pain and suffering, but even when I sleep with my bible in my busoms, I still cry out in sadness.

In the blood of the lamb, RIP Nettles

RIP Nettles 1986-2010

From: Nelly Musa

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: April 4, 2010

Subject: HAPPY RESURECTION/ WELL COM BACK

I m fine and you? happy resucrection,let thank God that our lord Jesus christ has rissing from the death,he took away our sins after he was crusify on the cross of calvary for the remission of our sins,let give him all the glory i love jesus so much.
Dear you are wellcome back from your travel,its only God that knows why the poor Nestle gave up,i may say that its time is due on this earth because if not so,no matter what pressure that might arise,it will still live,let just give God the glory ok.i pray that almighty God will console you and your family for Jesus sake Aman.
I love you so much and was so much in worry for the few days i did not heard from you but i so much that God that you are back hale and hearthy.i understand  i  what you said that you will not committ to anything now untill you get yourself fully back,the God whom i serve will surelly strainthing you for christ Jesus.Please i will like you to call me through Revrend number phone number so that we hear each other voice,just call and ask and tell him that you whan to speek to Miss Nelly Musaa,he will call me immediately to speak to you,he is toonice to me.this camp is not conducive for me at all i need to live here to  join you in your country after i am done with my plan here in this country.
Thanks and remain in  you as the lord will give you srainght.
Kisses Nelly

November 18, 2009

Mr. Domenion Audu to Leena Shirlee: “My Favorite Breakfast Food: CAfe”

From: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 13, 2009

Subject: MY GOD WE BLESS YOU.

You’re invited to: MY GOD WE BLESS YOU MY FRIEND
By your host: Domenion Audu
Date: Friday November 13, 2009
Time: 4:00 pm – 5:00 pm  (GMT +00:00)
Street: ATTN;Sorry to distract your attention, I am Mr Domenion Audi, The bill and exchange manager in the Bank of Africa Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. In my department, I found the deposited fund amounted (USD15,000,000.00)that belong to a customer who died in the plan crash with his entire family. However, I shall detail you with the full information as soon as I hear from you. Can you be able and capable to assist me provide your receiving bank account where this fund will lodge in your favour, I shall give you 30% of the total sum as soon as this fund hits your account and I shall visit you in your country for the shearing. Please this is very confidential. If you are interested, please forward me the bellow information’s; (1)Your name:….. (2)Your country:……(3)Your phone Number:……(4)Your tel/fax:…. (5)Your age:….. (6)Your occupation:……….Thank for your anticipated co-peration. Your’s Faithfully. Mr Domenion Audi
Will you attend? RSVP to this invitation


From: Leena Shirlee
To: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>
Date: November 15, 2009
Subject: I’M COMING!

Hello Mr. Dominator!

I am RSVP-ing….What would you like me to bring to your party? I am working late on that day, but I could probably scrape together some crostini, or baba ganoush? Otherwise, wine is always a good bet. Everyone loves wine.

At any rate, let me know! Looking forward to sharing the fun.

Best,
Leena


From: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 14, 2009

Subject: I am awaiting for your urgent response


Dear Friend,Thank you for your urgent respond.

 

And  i will really need you to declare  me your interest in carrying out this  funds  into your account  before i entrust this transaction  in your hand.

Before I contacted you  I have studied this transaction very carefully  with my experience in the banking industries and  i know and I’m  optimistic that this business deal will uplift our financial status, it’s just for you to follow my instruction and guidelines until the fund enter your into account.

You should understand that you need  to come up with your  whole spirit with me and carryout  this transaction  till the funds are lodged into your account and costody because nobody else knows about this fund and the  information about the deceased customer is with me now. This deal will be covered with legal approvals, Like I have told you in my previous email, you will be approved officially by bank as the authentic relation (heir) of the late customer through official bank process. Which I will personally champion, your approval will further be authenticated by back up documents.

All i need is trust and honesty.

My good Friend,Honestly speaking, this procedure will cost us little money,according to how i study it,i study this project for a year and eight months before deciding to execute it,so i know it will cost us little money which i don’t know how much,but whatever be the amount,the both of us will join heads together and work for success.

I will like to have full 100% trust on you,so kindly send me your international passport or identification, with your  informations that i will use and register your name in the bank and get you the text of application form which you will fill and send to the bank for the claim, so that i can also know you in face,don’t about the expenses as that will convince the bank more that you are the true next of kin,all you have to do is to apply to the bank for the release of the fund by sending the application form to the bank,like that the bank will start contact with you.
This business is a great deal and will need determination and great arrangement to succeed.  The arrangement which has already been made is my underground responsibility in the bank in seeing that the whole process to be taken to achieve your approval and for the smooth transfer of your inheritance to your desired account is made without any conceivable hitch. That is why I will like to speak with you for better understanding before we proceed.I have attach my  personal details so that you will know who you are transacting with, and i will like you to send my yours immediately sso that i can know you inperson  before the bank will tranfer this fund in to your bank account in your country as i have promise you that i am here to mornitor this tranfer in the bank and direct you on what to do next to avoid mistake from your side.

 

Meanwhile, I would want to detail you a little on the fund to be transfered to your account. This is not a stolen money rather, a discovered abandoned money belonging to one of our late customers by name MR. RICHARD BURSON from USA who died nine years ago in a plane crash together with his entire family living behind his contract sum unclaimed in our bank.

I assure you therefore that all loopholes are covered and all obstacles removed. This business deal will never endanger any or both of us. To remind you, this transaction is not a child’s play nor a little amount involved,  We are talking of a deal worth millions of dollars and so I will not like anybody (not even you) to spoil it for me because it had taken me years to arrive at the stage before I decided to look for a foreigner to assist me. You may be afraid about the possibility of transferring such huge amount of money to you, actually, after the terrorist attack on the United States.

I will use my position in the bank and attach a transactional identifier to the payment during  the transferring  of the funds into your  account and make receiving very comfortable to you in different bits. I need to emphasise on the need for trust and confidence on both side as the pillar for the success of this business. You need to reassure me that you will not betray me and sit on this fund when it finally comes into your custody.

The understanding of this details and accepting to work with me in this deal is the starting point. I require you therefore to declare your interest to assist me in championing this transaction, I will send you a text of application which you will fill  with  bank and personal  data’s  as soon as you get back to me, you will  fill the text of application form  and send it directly to my bank fax line or email as an official introduction of your person to the bank as the heir to the deceased.

You must note that the application is not official; the bank will send you an official bank application immediately you introduce your self. My position has guaranteed success in this transaction, because i am  a member of the ADHOCH COMMITTEE MEMBERS, Meanwhile if there’s any thing you  do not understand I will wait for your call so that  we can discuss better on phone.

According to one of our banking policies which stipulate that after seven to ten years of unclaimed fund, the fund will automatically go into the treasury of our bank and that’s why I want to use you as next of kin to the deceased customer and claim out the fund.

Importantly and as I discoverd, my bank does not know that MR. RICHARD BURSON  has no next of kin which makes it more easier for you to stand in as next of kin to the deceased person. It’s only me and my colleagues who knew that MR. RICHARD BURSON  has no next of kin.

There is no risk about this for it’s 100% risk free as I will provide you with some vital documents related to the contract sum of MR. RICHARD BURSON  and a text of application which you will resend to bank fax line, introducing you as next of kin to MR. RICHARD BURSON  and also instructing the paying bank to effect the transfer of the inheritance fund of MR. RICHARD BURSON into any bank account which you will provide and submit to the bank.

With your declaration of interest and willingness to cooperate with assurance that you will not sit on this money when it gets to your account and a promise not to implicate me in this business, I will furnish you with above information.

Send me your Full Name and you address together with your ID card so that i will register your Name in the bank and get you the bank official Text of Application Form which you will fill with your banking details and send it to the bank for the release of this successful fund in to your bank account in your country where i will meet you inperson for the shearing of the total fund as soon as the bank have tranfer the fund to you.

As soon as i hear from you every informations will be forwarded to you immediately.
We need  not to exercise any sign  of delay in this transaction,   this transaction must be followed up  to avoid  bank not to suspect me  or you  after you have applied to  my bank as  the beneficiary  to this  abandon fund,  my  bank is trying to  release all foreign debts  .

I  shall be forwarding to you the TEXT OF APPLICATION  FORM you  requested as soon as i hear from you. these are your details  i need  urgently so that i can register your name in my bank first.

1. full name………………….
2. full home  address……………
3. country………………..
4. age…………….
5. nationality……………….
6. occupations……………….
7. direc phone number………….
8. A copy of  your identity…………………….
9. bank name………………………..
10. bank address……………..

You call me after read this mail ,Tel. 00226-76 05 54 44 or +226 7841 2822

i am waiting for your call soonest .


Regards.
Mr.Domenion.

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

Date: November 16, 2009

Subject: Re: I am waiting for your urgent response

Dear Mr. Dominator, I remain your humble slave and wish to carry out your every wish. I believe you have been sent by jesus,  and that you possess the spirit of the holy ram deep within your crevasses.  I want nothing more than to unite with you to make our transaction safe, secure, and healthy.

However, I hope you understand my concerns about your validity–as you no doubt have heard, the internet is rife with scam artists,  charlatans, and spam “bots”  who are out to take advantage of wealthy people such as myself.

I am willing to proceed in any way you request, but only after you answer my security questions. Please, do not laugh, this is only to protect us both. Again, if you do not answer these quesions I will not proceed further with you.

SECURITY QUESIONS:

1: What is your favorite breakfast food, and why?
2: Have you ever worn an item of clothing meant for one part of the body (such as a shoe) on another part of the body (such as a penis, or elbow)? If not, why not?
3: What is the best piece of advice your father gave you? If you don’t have a father, simply list your favorite beatles song.

Thank you Mr. Dominator, I hope you understand why I do the things I do.

In the bloody ragu of christ,

Leena

From: Mr. Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 16, 2009

Subject: Call me + 226-7841-3210 immediately if you are ready so that I will look for another honest person who will follow my advice to get this fun.

My Dear,
I did not contact you to ask me some questions that is not part of this tranfer ok, i am not a man like that as you think , so if you know that you are ready to carry out this tranfer with me come out with your full spirit so that we will work as one family and get this fund in to your bank account in your country where i will meet you as soon as the bank tranfer this successful fund to you as i am here to pass you every information of the diseas custormer in the bank.
I would have done this alone do to finicial problem and suspiciouse in the bank because i do not want the bank to know that i have a hand in this tranfer since i am still working the same bank, my plane is that as soon as the fund get in to your bank account i will quickly resign and come over to your country and meet you inperson with my family to invest with you over there in your country.
So let me know if you are not ready to help me so that i will quickly look for another person that will follow my instruction utill this fund tranfer from the bank and you dont have to worry about any thing i am here to mornitor this fund as soon as you have apply in the bank so that the bank will recorgnise you for the said amount in the bank.
I have work with this bank up to 11 years now so what ever you shall need about this fund as soon as you have apply in the bank i will forward it to you to avoid you making mistake during tranfering of this fund in to your bank account.
I am waiting to hear from you because i have puting all my hope in this fund, that why i will like you to declear me your intrest in this matter so that i will know what to do next to avoid delay.
Note that time is not longer on our side to delay because that is why i told you that this fund must follow up immediately so that this fund will be tranfer before the bank start caculation in the bank as i told you earlier.
Send me your informations immediately if you are ready so that i will use the informations register your name in the bank and get you the bank official application form which you will fill according to my advice to avoid mistake in the bank because the bank you will use is where the bank will tranfer the fund to you that is why i have to direct you on how to fill the application form as soon as hear from you.
Send me the following without any delay.
1. full name………………….
2. full home  address……………
3. country………………..
4. age…………….
5. nationality……………….
6. occupations……………….
7. direc phone number………….
8. A copy of  your identity…………………….
9. bank name………………………..
10. bank address……………..
My greeting to your family.
Call me +226 7841 2822.
Mr. Domenion
From: Leena Shirlee
To: Domenion Audu
Date: November 16, 2009
Subject: Re:
Sorry Mr. Dominator, I will not be able to proceed in uniting with you in passing diseases to the customers in the bank. How do you expect me, with my millions of banknotes, to put my time into something that may actually be a scam? All I asked was that you answer my humble security questions to the best of your abilities. And yet, you mock me and refuse to do this? Well, you are asking me to take time from my tanning sessions and my jacuzzi floats to answer YOUR questions. This does not seem fair!  I only want to invest my time,and money in endeavors that are true and honest. If you were true and honest you would respect me enough to answer my security questions. They are not meant to inconvenience anyone, and they might seem to be silly, but they are there for a reason and that is to protect my valuable inheritance.Good luck to you elsewhere,
Ms. Leena

 

From: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 18, 2009
Subject: What is causen your delay?

My Dear,Honstly i do not know that you are seriouse about what and that yopu have a meaning about the questions that you send to me, so i have now add untersatning to that so i will say sorry.

 

So about you questions all is ok for me to know that you are the right person to transact with.

1: What is your favorite breakfast food, and why? MY FAVORITE BREAKFAST IS CAFE.

2: Have you ever worn an item of clothing meant for one part of the body (such as a shoe) on another part of the body (such as a penis, or elbow)? If not, why not? YES I HAVE WORN T.SHIRT WITH UNBRALA FOR RAIN WHEN I WAS IN UNIVERSITY LEVEL.
3: What is the best piece of advice your fathter gave you? If you don’t have a father, simply list your favorite beatles song. MY FATHER USE TO TELL ME THAT I SHOULD LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
My good brother i want to complete this transaction with you and urgenlty,but i need to know who i am trusting millions of dollars into his care,so kindly send to me the following information’s and also call me on the phone.(1)Your bank account details…………………..where the fund should be transferred SO THAT I WILL KNOW IF IT WILL BE OK FOR US TO PROVIDE FOR THE BANK FOR THE TRANFER BECAUSE I AM IN THE BANK NOT YOU I GO THROUGH THE ACCOUT DETAILS AND KNOW THE WAY WE CAN GET IT INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT EASY WAY.

 

(2) Your full name and resident address………………
(3) photograph of yours with copy of your International Passport or ID…………..
(4) Your Private phone  numbers………………………….
(5)Your full address…………………….
(6)Your age……………..
7 Your Occupation……………

I await your urgent call +226 7841 2822.
YOURS FRIEND
MR.DOMENION

 

From: Leena Shirlee
To: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>
Date: November 18, 2009
Subject: Re: What is causen your delay?
Hello Mr. Dominator, my good brother I am very happy you are legitimate! I have two illegitimate brothers, and they do nothing but catch crawfish in the bay and force me to clean and gut them. They don’t even go to church! Instead they stay home on the lords day, watching steve mcqueen movies.That being said,I am providing you with the following information, so we can proceed post-haste.

 

Bank Name:

WestBank Co-Op Trust

Account # 8652 4712 3627 8926

My full (legal) Name and Address:

Leena Cracky-Jo Shirlee
715 Harrison St, San Francisco, CA, 94107.

Age: 53

Occupation: Stare-apist (a controversial new therapy involving staring at certain objects or things until an emotional breakthrough or personal victory is achieved, you should try it!)

Phone # 818-993-3466

I am including my ID as well–please forgive me, I had a terrible burn accident when I was a reckless godless teenager that left my face mostly melted off. I nearly died!  Luckily the kind people at the department of motor vehicles agreed to let me wear the face my mother knitted for me after my accident (I never leave the house without it).

All my best, my dear lamb of jesus.
Leena Shirlee

Official ID

From: Domenion Audu
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 19, 2009
Subject: PLEASE URGENT RESPOND

Dear Mr.Lupsa,

I thank you once again, i also thank the Almighty ALLAH that i have geting the offical application form from the bank today.

I believe you are the right person to transact with, considering the little i have seen from you. I proposed to you not only for our mutual benefit but also for a long and everlasting relationship to exist between you and I and between our children and related ones through this venture.

I want you to call me as soon as you have send the application to the bank so that i will direct on what to do next to avoid mistake from your side and not only that to keep me inform ontime so that i will mornitor the tranfer in the bank ok, i also thank you for the call you said you try to call me i think is network problem in my country so you try and call me now because calling is very inportant in this very stage now.

Open your attach file and see the bank offical application form which o got from the bank today which you will fill with your banking details where the bank will tranfer the fund to you as i am here to mornitor the tranfer in the bank.

Once again i will clear you that what ever may come up from the bank as soon as you have apply for this fund as i have directed you to fill and to the application form to the bank for the tranfer of this fund in to your bank account in your country idian, so you have to know that i contacted you to help me to have this fund in to your bank account in your country because i alone can not do it ok, so you have to help me untill this fund get in your bank account in your country where i will meet you for the shearing of the fund as soon as the fund get in to your bank account, you have to help me because i am poor that is why i want us to have this fund so that i will resign from the bank as soon as this fund get in to your bank account ok.

Well, my dear, there is nothing too much to be relayed on this business transaction as it requires dedication and incumbent support from both of us involved, for i have studied this transaction for more than one year and eight months now, and have known all that it requires. It requires secrecy and confidence, eventually in the progress of this transaction, when the Bank contacts you for minor questionings which i am going to be furnishing you with the answers on the course of this. In fact; you are going to abide strictly to my instructions so that we will not make any mistakes.

This is absolutely what it requires and nothing more as a top official in this Bank, and as a member of the Board members”, we have no problem at all as i will be monitoring the whole situation here in the Bank, while you will be monitoring the whole situation there in your country, until you confirm the money in your Account.

Immediately this is done I will then resign my appointment here with the Bank while you will now send me an invitation letter warranting me to come over to your country, for further sharing of the Fund and investment which you will help me secure under your kind advice. In fact, I would have done this deal alone, but for the fact that i am a civil servant and as civil servants here in my country, we are not allowed to operate any form of foreign account, but domiciliary or house account.

So this is the more reason I contacted you to stand in, as the true next-of-kin to the deceased customer, who will have to push the Bank to be able to effect the transfer of your late cousin’s Fund, and that delay in application was due to family logistic problem. I strongly assure you of a risk-free and hinge-free transaction, provided my instructions are strictly adhered to by you.

Also I would not fail to let you know that, we are going to work together in actualizing this objective, as you have to be aware that there are going to be some miscellaneous expenses such as transfer charges and telephone bills etc, which is normal in International Transfers of such, and which both of us are going to share equally,i.e we are going to share all expenses equally, and at the end of transaction, all expenses are going to be deducted from the 10% expense amount being mapped out from the total Fund, according to expense amounts incurred by both parties involved.

Please note that this transaction will last only but (14) Banking working days from transactional experience. At the end of the transaction, all computer and file-related information on this transaction would be deleted.

This is part of the security measures being taken to avoid any trace of the Fund in the future. I assure you of a maximum success. We will work together to legalize this deal and once it is legalized, the bank will approve it and then the money will be legally transferred to your account and the bank here will give you a clearance on inheritance that will take care of authorities in your end questioning the root of the funds.

Please note that what we are about to do needs trust and without trust there is no need to forge ahead, you are a human being and has the right to decide for yourself what is good for you and what is not. I believe you have a policy and i want you to maintain it just like me, if you are not interested, please do not force yourself but do what you think is right for you and do not be forced to do what you never wished to do.

Proposal is not a crime but love and interest with benefit also people can be friends without knowing each other through business transaction and that will only be when they are sincere to each other and work towards future benefit and friendship.

Well, the transaction is risk-free and on your side you will be maintaining absolute information and absolute secret through out the duration of the transaction, and normally you will be responding like a true next-of-kin who wish to speed up the release and transfer of his late cousin’s money.

The Bank will portray you, the benefice next-of-kin to the deceased customer and relay to you all relevant information required to put claim over the money as the procedure requires. The deceased customer died in a plane crash with his entire family in December 2003 and since then the fund has been lying in the account without anybody coming to claim the money. Based on that, I decided to make good use of the opportunity by contacting a foreign account owner who will be fronted as the next of kin to the late businessman, and have the approval signed and the money will be released and transferred into the given account.

If you agree, for nominating an account to be used for this purpose and any other assistance which you might be required to give in that regard, I will offer you the 45% of the sum and 55% .

For further information, you can kindly contact me on my private telephone number (00226-7841 2822.Recently acquired for this transaction and you can call me at anytime you feel like, so feel free to call me. I am expecting your immediate response concerning the above given information.

For your information this is not something that you have to think about because it is an opportunity to both of us and also I will advice you not to put any atom of fear in this transaction as you have no risk at all even now and in future as far as you follow my instructions.

So all you have to do now is to apply to the bank first, so that the bank can now recognize you as the next of kin to the deceased customer and also i will like you to call me so that we can discuss over this matter.

Do not forget as soon as you send the application to the bank, you try and keep me inform of what you have done.

You are advice to send the application form immedaitely with this new bank email address for easy recieve in the bank ok.

bankofafrica.ourprofile.org@mail.mnmail.mn

boa_customer_deptorg@yahoo.fr

As soon as you have fill the application form you call me immediately on my private line to keep me inform of what you have done sofar.

Thanks my regards to you and the family.
Mr.Domenion.
+226-76 05 54 44. or +226 7841 2822

 

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Domenion Audu

Date: November 20, 2009

Subject: RE: PLEASE URGENT RESPOND.

 

Who is Mr. Lupsa?! Are you sharing my personal information with more people than just you!? That would make me sad. Perhaps our everlasting relationship was never destiny, only scattered tears in the wind.


From: Domenion Audu

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 20, 2009

Subject: THAT IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME/HAVE YOU SEBT THE APPLICATON TO THE BANK YET?

My Dear,
Thank you very much to keep me inform on time, so that should be a mistake from what you send to me, so here i speak french and write english, so i fine it deficut to write very well in english please consider this setuation.
Hostly, you have to know that i dont know your full name very well as you said, so i will like you to send me you full name immedtiately you have send the application form to the bank as i have directed you to fill with your banking details and send to the bank for the relaese of this fund.
So mind you that you have to do this as a matter of urgentcy to fill the application properly and send it to the bank to avoid delay, i want us to confirm this fund in to your bank account in your country where i  will meet you in your country as you have promised me that you will help me to get this fund tranfer from the bank, as i am here with the bank and if only you will do according to what you promised me.
Now have you send the application form to the bank? let me know the cause of your delay if you have not do as i ahve directed you to fill the application with your banking details and send it to the bank immediately, make sure you fill the application form with cearfulness to avoid mistake during tranfering of this fund in the bank because any bank you use to fill the application form is where the bank will tranfer the fund to you ok.
Note that we dont have time again to delay in this tranfer because i hope in this fund, that is why i told you that as soon as the bank tranfer this fund in to your account will quickly resign and come over to your country with my family in the name of ALLAH.
Please i will advice you to fill the application form immediately and sendit to the bank so that the bank will recornize you first and send it with your ID so that the bank will know you for the said amount in the bank ok.
Let me wait for your urgent call as soon you have send the application form to the bank for the claim so that i will start monotoring this tranfer in the bank and direct you on what to do to avoid mistake from your side after you have apply in the bank.
Call me immediately you have send the application to the bank please +226 7841 2822.
I am waitinh to hear from you.
Thanks and my greetins to your family.
MR.DOMENION.
From: Leena Shirlee
To: Domenion Audu
Date: November 20, 2009
Subject: RE: THAT IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME/HAVE YOU SEBT THE APPLICATON TO THE BANK YET?
I am sorry Mr. Dominator, but I don’t think you have the attention to detail I need to proceed with this operation–if you cannot even get my name right, (and you have also called me Sir many times when you know I am a lady from my head to my breast)  how do I know other details will be handled in a businesslike manner?

On that note, I often feel you are yelling directions at me–this reminds me of my father quite a bit. When I was a child he would actually come to my school and watch me doing my maths through the little crack in the wall and yell insults at me. “No, 8X7 isn’t 43! you must have sawdust for brains!” Then when I went home and confronted him he denied it and said I must be hearing “voices” and put me on lots of medications.

At any rate, I am going to have to politely decline your offer and I hope that, Allah willing, you will find a better match.

All my love
Leena

From: Domenion Audu
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 20, 2009
Subject: Have you send the application to the bank yet.
Dear Friend,

My greeting to you once again, and how are you? today together with your family.

I have geard all you said so i have forgiven you, so let us be honor to each order until we have this fund in to you account.
Let me hear from you if you have send the application form to the bank as i have directed you to fill and send to the bank for recorgnition.

You have to know that we do not have time to delay in this fund, that is why i made it clear to you that this fund must follow up immediately to avoid suspicious in the bank after you have apply for thr tranfer.

Please time is not longer on our side again, i want this fund to be tranfer to your account before the bank will start anual caculation in the bank ok.


So quickely let me know what is causing your delay to send the application form to the bank? because i have intrust this fund into your hand that is why you have to let me know what you have done sofar so that i will know the kind of advice i will give to you next to avoid mistakes during tranfer of this fund in to your bank account in your country.

Please let us be honext to each order in this fund so that we will have this fund immediately with one mind ok, and let me hear from you by calling me on my telephone line +226 78 41 28 22 for more explanations in this tranfer as soon as you have send the application form to the bank.

I am waiting for your urgent call on +226 78 41 28 22.

Thanks
MR DOMENION.
00226 78 41 28 22.

November 6, 2009

BEULAH BIJOUX TO HARRISON KARN: “IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME SAY IT I DONT’ WANT NO RATFINK LAWYERS INTERCEDING IN OUR BUSINESS”

Filed under: Beulah Bijoux — ArleneShirlee @ 5:06 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

— On Wed, 11/4/09, FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com> wrote:

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: The details of the Attorney
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 6:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 04/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Based on the picture you painted and irrespective of my resolved to help you, I do not think that we can handle the situation over here. So I suggest you make use of an attorney to do the signing for you. Please, contact the attorney whose details are stated below:-

Name: Barrister Charles Eke (SAN)

Name of the legal firm: Eligwe Chambers

Address: No. 23 Collins Avenue , Victoria Island , Lagos Nigeria

Telephone No: +234- 8027519939

Email: eligwechambers@gmx.de or eligwechambers@lawyer.com

He is a very good and dedicated lawyer, he is also God fearing. I know that he can make the difference for you. Do remember that you are not to pay for his legal fees until you confirm your payment with your bankers.

However, shall provide for the administrative fees, e.g. the stamp-duty of the Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment, as he shall not finance your transaction; attorneys are prohibited by law against it.

Instruct him to prepare to be in my office between Fridays, 6th of November to Friday, 13th of November 2009, with your file reference number: FBNP/X-XI/NGV/2009, for the signing of your payment documents.

Thanks, as I expect to hear from you introducing the attorney as your official representative.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Dept

First Bank of Nigeria PLC

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: November 5th, 2009

Subject: Re: The Details of the Attorney”

DEAR MR. NIGERIA, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX, NOW I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN AND RARELY TAKE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN BUT WHAT IN THE CRAP ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WITH LAWYERS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUYING ME A TICKET TO FLY TO NIGERIA, AND I WAS BUSY PACKING MY BAGS AND NOW YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT LAWYERS? I HAVE NOTHING BUT BAD ASSOCIATIONS WITH LAWYERS. LAWYERS ARE THE REASON MY SISTERS EX HUSBAND (WHO ATTEMPTED TO CHOKE HER WITH A TURKEY LEG ONE THANKSGIVING) RUNS FREE IN THE WORLD, AND LAWYERS ARE WHY MY GRANDDADDY LOST HIS ESTATES AND WAS SENT TO AN INSTITUTION WHERE THEY LEFT HIM IN A CORNER DROOLING UNTIL HE DIED A LONELY BROKEN MAN.

I SUPPOSE IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT MY LATE HUSBAND ALSO DID NOT TRUST LAWYERS INFACT HE HAD A JOKE HE TOLD  THAT GOES LIKE THIS–“A LAWYER, A MONKEY, AND SANTA CLAUS WERE IN HEAVEN WAITING AT THE PEARLY GATES. GOD LOOKED AT THE MONKEY AND SAID YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER BIT NOBODY, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.”  HE LOOKED AT SANTA AND SAID “YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER DIDDLED NO KIDS AND YOU STAYED FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.” HE LOOKED AT THE  LAWYER, AND SAID “YOU TOOK A WRONG TURN BUDDY, GO CHECK YOUR MAP.”

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, THEN SAY IT TO ME, I DO NOT WANT NO RATFINK LAWYERS INTERCEDING IN OUR BUSINESS AFFAIRS. YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD MAN AND I WONDER WHY YOU WOULD AGREE TO LET CORRUPT LAYWERS HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS,
BEULAH BIJOUX

crookmip

I FOUND IT IN MY HOPE CHEST

Leena Shirlee to Sarah King: “Cancer is the second saddest thing I can think of to happen to someone.”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee — ArleneShirlee @ 12:12 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2009/11/5 king <sarahkings191s@hotmail.com>

– Hide quoted text –

My name is Mrs. SARAH King I am a dying woman who has decided to
donate what I have to charity through you.You may be wondering why I
chose you. But someone has to be chosen. I am 59 years old and was
diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago,immediately after the death of
my husband who had left me everything he worked for.I have been
touched by the lord to donate from what I have inherited from my late
husband to charity through you for the good work of humanity,rather
than allow my relatives to use my husband’s hard earned funds
inappropriately.I have asked the lord to forgive me all my sins and I
believe he has,because He is merciful. I will be going in for an
operation,and I pray that I survive the operation.I have decided to
WILL/Donate the sum of $10.5 Million (10 Million five hundred thousand
Dollars) to charity through you for the good work of the lord, and to
help the motherless,less privileged and also fortheassistance of the
widows At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the
fact that my relatives are around me and I have been restricted by my
doctor from taking telephone calls because I deserve all the rest I
can get.Presently,I have informed my lawyer about my decision in
WILLING this fund to charity through you. I wish you all the best and
may the good Lord bless you abundantly, and please use the funds well
and always extend the good work to others.If you are interested in
carrying out this task,i will inform my family Lawyer so that he can
arrange the release of the funds to you.I know i have never met you
but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely.I will
pay you 30% of this money if you will assist me because I am now too
weak and fragile to do things myself because of my cancer.NB: I will
appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task
is accomplished,as I don’t want anything that will Jeopardize my last
wish, due to the fact that I do not want relatives or family members
standing in the way of my last wish. pls send email to my privet,
address Love,SARAH King

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Sarah King <sarahkings191s@hotmail.com>

Date: November 3rd, 2009

Subject: Re: Charity Projects

Hello Sarah, and well met this is Leena!

I praise the bouncing  baby jesus that you found me–how did you know I’ve been down-and-out and seeking some sort of sign from the universe that my work here on earth can truly begin? You must be receptive to the energies of angels, for they do float hither and yon. Most of them yon. We cannot see them because we are too selfish, like your selfish relatives. But I see them, and they all look like you Sarah. From their twinkling little eyes to their feather soft bottoms, to their prehensile tails. If it looks like an angel, whispers like an angel, then it must be Sarah King

I am sorry to hear about your cancer–what kind of cancer was it? Cancer is the second saddest thing I can think to happen to a person. The first is a bite from the brown reclusive spiders. I do hope you’ll pull through your surgery!

Now about my charity work. I have started a few charities here in the Bay Area and sadly I haven’t been able to find the funding for them. I was just about to give up and turn to the bottle when your email arrived, blessed day!!

The first is a program that allows terminally ill children to run with grizzly bears. It’s called “Li’l Grizzlies” and it has been in operation for a few years now. I have made many many children happy–it’s so spiritually uplifting to frolic with gods creatures, don’t you think? Yet, sadly there are some parents who think this might be putting children in danger somehow. I promise them that whatever happens to their child during our “Kid- N’ -Klaws”  nature hikes,  will not be nearly as bad as dying of cancer. It’s all about perspective.

The other program I have is called “Toupets” basically, it’s creating hairpieces and wigs for animals that have lost their hair in a fire, or (like you) from cancer. It’s very humiliating (and cold!!)  for cats and dogs to be without their fur! Brrrrr! I met this wonderful woman, Beulah Bijoux, who creates very realistic “fur” weaves, wigs, and toupes for bald doggies and kitties near and far. Such a good thing!

Just one small thing, Sarah. I know it sounds foolish but I would like to make sure you’re not a “spam” bot (I mean, why would anyone lie about having cancer?!) so if you could please just answer a few brief questions for me, so I know you’re real (please forgive me, but the lord advises me to be wary of something that seems to be too good of a thing!)

Here are the questions:

1: What is your favorite breakfast food, and why?

2: Which clown?

Thank you sarah, and I cannot wait for us to do the lords work together!
In the bloody rag of christ,
Leena

November 3, 2009

Leena Shirlee to Tim Bruce: “If possible, I would like to avoid any jobs involving fire, or a flaming fajita platter.”

From: Tim Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: October 29, 2009

Subject: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED

 

Hello
We are a company that conduct surveys and evaluate other
companies. We get hired to go to other peoples companies and act like customers
inorder to know how the staffs are handling their services in relation to their
customers. once we have a contract to do so, you would be directed to the
company or outlet, and you would be given the funds you need to do the job( either
purchase things or require services), after which you would write a comment on
the staffs activities and give a detailed record of your experience

examples of details you would forward to us are
1) How long it took you to get services.
2) Smartness of the attendant
3)Customer service professionalism
4)Sometimes you might be required to upset the attendant, to see how they
react to clients when they get tensed..

And we turn the information over to the company executives and they would
carry out their own duties in improving there services.

Most companies employ our assistance when people give complains
about their services, or when they feel there are needs for them to improve
their customer service. your Identity would be kept confidential as the job states
(secret shopper) you would be paid $500 for every duty you carry out, and bonus on your
transportation allowance, and funds would be given to you if you have to dine as
part of the duty

Your job will be to evaluate and comment on customer service in a wide
variety of shops, stores, restaurant and services in your area.
No commitment is made on this job, and you would have flexible hours as
it suits you. If you are interested do send in your full name contact address
and telephone number, so we can look at your distance from the locations which you have to put
your service into, and your address would also be need for your payments.
Thanks
Tim Bruce
shoppers Guide Ltd.


From: Leena Shirlee

To: Tim Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: RE: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED


Dear Mr. Bruce, well met this is Leena!

I am very interested in becoming a MYSTERIOUS SHOPPER–I can’t tell you how frustrating my job search has been. I keep sending out my resumes, but to nothing but dead air, it’s really bumming me out!

I have much experience being Mysterious. For two years I worked as the Secret Nun in the Fantasuites hotel in Minneapolis. Basically, I would hide in the popes chambers and then appear in the confessional, fully nude except for my whimple. Gotta leave something to mystery, that’s what I always say!

Then, in 1998 I had a terrible burn accident where I lost half of my face from a faulty fireworks explosion. Unfortunately everyone at that party was too drunk to notice the tragedy. “Is someone grilling bratwursts?” said my friend “Yes, it smells good!” I shouted, following the scent of my own burning flesh to nowhere.

After the accident, I fell into a deep depression; I didn’t leave my room for the whole year.  I cursed that I was  no longer sleek, or supple enough to work at the fantasuites. It seemed my whole life was doomed for damnation, and I sadly began to look for jobs where I could work from home. I tried doing that “stuff envelopes from home” thing but learned it was just a scam. (I still can’t get rid of those tootin’ envelopes!)   I tried my own sexy hotline, but it seemed clients could sense my deformity through the phones.

Me: “Hello there, sailor, are you up for some fun tonight? I’m so hot right now…”

Them: “Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! Aaaaaah!!!!”

So, one day, tired of staying at home, I decided to put on my wimple (which I still held onto as a symbol of the life I once loved) and go out on the town. To my surprise, people seemed open and accepting of me and sitting at the bar I was approached by a man who offered me a job. Quite simply, he wanted to hire me to spy on his girlfriend who he was convinced was putting SPECIAL SEXUAL DONATIONS into the offering jar. In not too short of time, I nabbed the guilty lady and received a sultans sum of cash to pay off my hospital bills.

I believe that was the turning point for me, interms of being a MYSTERY EXPERT.  I now have several costumes I wear, in addition to the Secret Nun: Spy Panda,  Investi-Gnat, Miss Terry, and Undercover Mother.

I am interested in your Mystery Shopper job and would like to know if it is possible for me to wear my costumes when I do this? If you would like me to wear another costume, please consider that about 80 percent of my face is a total mess, and unless I am well-covered it is hard to tell which side of me is the front and which side is the back.

One final note, I would prefer not being sent on assignments where there might be a fire or flaming fajita plate. I also do not work on the 4th of July as that is when I had my accident and I have my day of quiet rememberance.

If you could answer my questions, and let me know further details on the job that would be great!

All my best,
Leena

PS I am sending you a picture of me in one of my costumes.

yarnface

Miss Terry!

November 2, 2009

Beulah Bijoux to Harrison Karn: “IS IT TRUE YOUR GOING TO FLY ME TO NIGERIA FOR A NICE VACATION??”

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: We have commenced the process
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, November 2, 2009, 8:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 02/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Your mail and the content well noted. We have commenced the processing of your payment today. However, it is very important that I intimate you with the full procedure of this transaction to prepare you ahead.

Firstly, you have to give this your transaction the attention it deserve because we have huge task to clear all unpaid debts and can only achieve this with your maximum cooperation and your willingness to adhere to instructions.

We have received instruction form the Presidency, Federal Republic of Nigeria to release a total sum of US$5,500,000.00 (Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) to you in two tranches. US$800,000.00 (Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be first installment while the balance US$4,700,000.00 (Four Million Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be release to you within two you received the first installment. We have applied for the final approval and for the payment documents, i.e. Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment; these documents shall be ready by Thursday 5th of November 2009, for signing.

Based on this information you are expected in my office between Friday, 6th of November through Wednesday, 13th of November 2009 (6working days) for the signing of these documents before your funds shall be effectively transferred into your bank account.

However, in a situation where you can not make it to Nigeria within this stated time, you should let us know early so that we can make alternative arrangement. We can help you by suggesting the names and contacts of some the government nominated attorneys that can help you in signing the documents to facilitating the release of your funds.

Please, feel free to contact me anytime on my direct telephone number +234-80559-11132, for further discussion if need be.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Department

First Bank of Nigeria PLC


From: Beulah Bijxoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Re: We have commenced the process


HELLO MR. HARRISON, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX AND I JUST RECEIVED YOUR LETTER, IS IT TRUE YOU ARE GOING TO FLY ME TO NIGERIA FOR A NICE VACATION??? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY HONESTLY!!!!!  I HAVEN’T FLOWN ANYWHERE SINCE FUJI IN 1996, A YEAR BEFORE MY DEAR HUSBAND PASSED AWAY. WE ATE LOTS OF SMOKE MACKEREL, AND THEY SANG TO US AT THE RESTAURANT, SO LOVELY!!!

BEFORE I ACCEPT YOUR PLANE TICKET, I HAVE TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS. AS YOU KNOW I AM 93 YEARS OLD AND SUFFER FROM SEVERAL AILEMENTS RANGING FROM ALPERS DISEASE TO A LAPSED VULVA (THIS IS WHERE THE VULVA DISAPPEARS INTO THE BODY AND IS REABSORBED INTO THE SACRAL LUMBAR REGIONS OF THE BODY). I ALSO HAVE THE TROLLYWOOPS AFTER I EAT SPICY FOODS.  I NEED TO KNOW IS THERE GOING TO BE A DOCTOR OR A NURSE ON HAND SHOULD I HAVE ONE OF MY FITS?

I AM ALSO WONDERING CAN I BRING MY NEGRO CLEANING LADY OPHELIA BROWN WITH ME? SHE SAYS SHE HAS SOME RELATIVES SHE’D LIKE TO CATCH UP WITH, DO YOU KNOW HER?  I FIGURE IT’S A SMALL WORLD, AND YOUR PEOPLE TEND TO CLUSTER TOGETHER. THAT IS ONE THING I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED ABOUT THE NEGRO, THEY ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR FAMILIES NOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER OR MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER WHO LEAVE ME ALONE IN THIS DRAFTY HOUSE WITHOUT A PHONE CALL. DID YOU KNOW THAT PRESIDENT FORD AGED MY CHEESE BY AT LEAST 8 YEARS? ALL I CAN DO IS LAUGH. ANYWAY, ABOUT OPHELIA SHE IS VERY QUIET AND TIDY AND I PROMISE SHE WILL NOT CAUSE TOO MUCH OF A FUSS.

ALSO, OH!!  DO ANY OF YOUR STORES CARRY YOOHOO BEVERAGE? IT IS ALL I CAN DRINK NOW BESIDES WATER, AND I HEAR YOUR WATER ISN’T SAFE TO DRINK. I HOPE THAT DOESN’T SOUND RACIST, BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED THE NEGRO WAYS. I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU GET CLEAN WATER AND A GOOD HOT MEAL.

WELL, OPHELIA IS HERE AND SHE IS READY TO GREASE DOWN MY LEGS. I WISH I HAD NICE LEGS LIKE I USED TO, DID YOU KNOW I WON MY LEGS IN A CONTEST YEARS AGO? I WORE AS SHORT OF SKIRTS AS I COULD GET AWAY WITH WITHOUT BEING CLUBBED BY MY FATHER.

WELL, PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS, AND SUCH. I AM GLAD THAT I MIGHT HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE TO SEE THE WORLD BEFORE I DIE! I WILL BRING YOU A GIFT WHEN I ARRIVE, DO YOU LIKE MOLASSES DROOPS?

SPECIFICALLY YOURS
BEE BEE

Beulah Bijoux to James: “I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL LIKE A VIBROLEG MINI”

Filed under: Beulah Bijoux — ArleneShirlee @ 7:57 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

— On Tue, 10/27/09, James <beckafide7@gmail.com> wrote:

From: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>
Subject: Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.
To: “beulahbijoux@yahoo.com” <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 6:28 PM

Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.I saw your post on WordPress and I thought you might
be someone who may need a custom website built for free to further your cause.
I am supervising design students right now who are looking for a few real projects to buildin exchange for a good reference and to use the site as an example site to show future clients.
There are no catches or costs.  Having a site online only requires web hosting
which is $5 month and includes the domain name also for free.

If you would like more info on the free website program please email me back for more info.
Let me know what type of site you are in need of.
The restrictions are:
site must be under 10 pages in size.
the site cannot be adult in nature.
I do not do sites with flash movies on them.
Just professional business sites.

I gladly do links , logos, custom backgrounds, blogs, forums, shopping carts, movies, audio, and WordPress blogs
Up to ten pages in size.  All for no cost during our free design program.

If its something you could use then lets talk about it !
Thanks for your time.  James

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>

Date: October 28,2009

Subject: Re: Re: WordPress post: Freeweb site design / wordpress setup offer.



HELLO MR. JAMES THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (WIFE OF MOLASSES TYCOON BUSTER BIJOUX) AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A WORDPRESS, IS THIS A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? I JUST GOT MY COMPUTER AND THAT IS AS FAR AS IT GOES WITH ME, I TOLD MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER NO FANCY BELLS, JUST A COMPUTER SO I CAN STAY IN TOUCH WITH MY NEPHEW OVER IN IRAQ AND THAT IS WHAT SHE GOT ME.

SO FAR I AM NOT VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE TO ME, HOW DO THEY GET MY ADDRESS? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MY NEPHEW BUT NOW EVERYONE WRITES ME LETTERS AND I HAVE A HARD TIME KEEPING UP. MY MOTHER TOLD ME IT’S RUDE TO IGNORE LETTERS, SO I HAVE TO WRITE TO YOU BUT HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WITH THIS “WORD” PRESS, IS IT A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? MY LITTLE BROTHER JOHNNY BIJOUX BROUGHT US SOME FANCY MACHINE FROM POLAND IN 1946 HE SAID IT WAS ABLE TO READ NAZI RADIO TELEPHATHY SIGNALS, BUT ALL IT DID WAS SIT IN THE HOUSE TAKING UP SPACE AND STINKING TO HIGH HEAVEN UNTIL THE NEGRO MAIDS DID AWAY WITH IT. JOHNNY CLAIMED THAT HE PICKED UP A FEW SIGNALS FROM NAZIS THAT ESCAPED AND HE WENT OUT SEARCHING FOR THEM WITH HIS BAYONET RIFLE BUT WHEN HE CAME BACK HE HAD ONLY A HANDFUL OF DEAD RABBITS AND HE WAS NEVER THE SAME. I HATE RABBITS.

I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO BUY YOUR WORDPRESS MACHINE, I AM SORRY BUT I AM VERY OLD AND I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL FOR MY HEALTH LIKE THE VIBROLEG MINI (FOR MY ALPERS DISEASE) OR A JACKRABBIT INTERNAL MASSAUSE.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SALES,
SPECIFICALLY YOURS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE)

vibroleg copy

WHERE CAN I FIND THESE

Leena Shirlee to Fidelity UK Foundation: “I would also like my tubby human heart to be replaced with a hummingbirds heart”

From: <info@fuf.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Grant Prize Notification

The Fidelity UK Foundation,
Oakhill House, 130 Tonbridge Road,
Hildenborough, Kent, TN11 9DZ
Tel; +44702 4073 751
http://www.fidelityfoundation.org

Dear Sir/Madam,

The Fidelity UK Foundation would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. The Fidelity UK Foundation is located in Hildenborough, Kent, UK.

The Fidelity UK Foundation was established in 1988 to strengthen not-for-profit organizations primarily in regions surrounding Fidelity International’s major corporate locations around the world.

Grants from the Foundation are designed to encourage the highest standards of management and long-term self-reliance in non-profit organizations. Taking an investment approach to grant making, we fund organizations where we feel we can add lasting, measurable value. We seek to support major initiatives that charitable organizations undertake to reach new levels of achievement.

We are giving out a yearly donation of 1,000,000.00GBP (One Million Pounds Sterling’s only) each to 10 lucky recipients. These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 10 lucky international recipients worldwide, in different categories. Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide, you were selected amongst the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of 1,000,000.00GBP as charity donations/aid.

CONTACT FOUNDATION ASSISTANT FOR MORE INFORMATION ON YOUR CLAIMS
Name: Amanda Rezaoui
Email: fidelity_fuf11@yahoo.cn

Please note that these donations/Grants are strictly administered by the UN in collaboration with other international institutions and organizations such as the World Bank, OECD, the ILO, the European Investment Bank and UNESCO. You are advised to keep this whole information confidential until you have been able to redeem your donation.

You would be required to send down the following information’s:
==========================================
FULL NAME:
RESIDENT ADDRESS:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
SEX:
DATE OF BIRTH:
OCCUPATION:
TEL:
==========================================
On behalf of the Board kindly, accept our warmest congratulations

Regards,

Kathleen Ward
(Foundation Program Manager)


From: Leena Shirlee

To: <info@fuf.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Re: Grant Prize Notification


Hello Kathleen, and well met this is Leena!

Well, howdy I am so totally stoked that I won the cash donation for my personal development, and I cannot wait to begin the regime I have been planning out for all my years!!!  I’ve been reading lots of  books and attending lectures and seminars. I’ve been gathering my materials and laying everything out on my little ectograph.

Simply put: I want to become the skinniest person alive. Now, I know what you’re saying. “that’s not exactly what we had in mind as far as personal development” and I’m telling you, you’re wrong. From what I’ve researched, the Fidelity UK Foundation has sponsored some highly unusual personal development programs, which I am listing here as a reminder to you so you will understand me.

1987Wally Baird decides to surgically graft his cheating wife to his buttocks–Fidelity UK pays for the surgery and for each one of her boyfriend  lovers to be turned into ladies.

1991-Jennifer Daly Snow uses Fidelity UK Grant donation to build a health spa for crabs called “Crab Springs” which, due to faulty wiring in the sauna, turned into a successful restaurant called “The Tasty Crab.”

1995Elmora Jimenez rallies a team of chow chows to carry her across the united states in a bejeweled wagon, while she hands out fur parkas to children in trailer parks. When PETA discovers Elmora’s plan, they set her dogs free one evening while she sleeps. Fidelity UK follows up with a counter-attack that includes fireworks, hotdogs, and nuclear rodeo clowns.

1997Wishy Vang of Minneapolis uses her Fidelity UK money to be surgically transformed into a clone of the late Michael Landon— so she can marry his widow and live on the Laura Ingalls Wilder Memorial preserve. As of today, Wishy “Paw” Vang is now happy, healthy, with two beautiful daughters and plays the fiddle every night while they sing “Comin up Kitty Hawk Mountain.”

2003Bill Noire was a simple, earthy man–upon winning his Fidelity UK Grant for developoment, he asked that he be dipped in the purest butter on earth: Fannygold Irish Churny. Unfortunately, Fidelity UK officials misheard him and had him dipped in pure gold; he died instantly.  However, as luck would have it, Bill had recently written a living will which stated that his remains go on display at the Wells Fargo in Cincinatti. This magnificent pure gold statue of Bill Noire is now one of the cities most impressive monuments.

2008Salvatore D’Angelo of Florence receives his Fidelity UK Award the day he loses his job, and it couldn’t have come at a better time!!  Instead of going home to blow his brains out, he purchases a private helicopter and flies it to Rio where his favorite prostitute now lives with her family. After a solid week of food, debauchery, and bailando papagayo (the annual “parrots dance”) he flies his helicopter directly into a tree, snapping his spinal cord. Never a man to accept defeat, Salvatore discovered a gift of communicating with the dead via Internet Chat, you can watch his show “IM Dead” at 1:00 am on Thursday on Bravo.

Which brings us to the hear 2009 THE YEAR OF SKINNY!!!

I know, I know there are health concerns, but I have carefully mapped out a strategy for myself that will allow me to become rickety without ending up on life support.  My target weight right now is about 38 pounds, but if all goes well and with your help I might be able to squeak down to 31-32!  Why, you wonder, do I want to be the skinniest person in the world? Is it to attract a mate? Is it to fit into my childhood garments? No!! Quite simply, I want to become thin enough to sell my car and travel through the breeze like Mary Poppins!!!! I was deeply affected by this movie as a child, and I worshipped Mary. How amazing to be able to travel through the wind with nothing but a small umbrella!! Just like a bird! I tried this myself but I was too fat and wound up breaking my leg. I have been dieting ever since, hoping to become thin enough to achieve lift-off and I’ve come close a few times, but there was always something getting in the way: My internal organs. So now that I have the Fidelity UK money, I am hoping you will help sponsor me to have a few things removed–don’t worry! Things I don’t really need: 1 kidney, appendix, and about 10 feet of intestine. Also, I discovered that people only need 2/3 of their lung capacity, so I hope to get 1/3 of my lungs shaved off and about 4 of my fat disgusting ribs. I also would like my tubby human heart to be replaced with a hummingbirds heart. I believe that with all of these things, and with your help, I will be able to at last make my dreams come true!!!

Thank you once again, and god bless you,
Leena “Poppins”.

marypoppins

This could be me!!


October 28, 2009

Beulah Bijoux to Chen Guan: “WHERE DO I FIND A CHINESE RESTAURANT THAT SERVES REAL CHINESE FOOD LIKE EGG FOO YOUNG?”

From: Mary E Sarko <MSarko@matcmadison.edu>

To: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

Date: October 27th, 2009

Subject: Can I Trust You.

Dear Friend,

My name is Mr. Chen Guan from Bank of China, Hong Kong. I have a secured business proposal worth $17,300,000.00 United States Dollars. It is very safe and secured.

Contact me for more details if your are interested you can reach me at chenguantrust@yahoo.com.hk for more details.
SPECAIL NOTICE PLEASE IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED KINDLY DELETE THIS EMAIL DON’T REPLY, IT IS FOR ONLY INTERSTED PERSON.
PLEASE SEND ALL YOUR RESPONSE TO chenguantrust@yahoo.com.hk SO THAT I CAN REACH YOU.
Regards,
Mr. Chen Guan.
From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>
To: Mary E Sarko <MSarko@matcmadison.edu>
Date: October 27th, 2009
Subject: RE: Can I trust you.

HELLO MR CHEN, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE) AND I WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU RIGHT NOW. I AM NEW TO THE WHOLE COMPUTER MAIL THING SO PLEASE FORGIVE THE GOOF-UPS I MAKE.MY LATE HUSBAND BUSTER, (THE MOLASSES TYCOON, YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF HIM ON THE NEWS YEARS AGO) WELL HE NEVER TRUSTED THE CHINESE. HE SAID THEY ARE COLD, NEVER SLEEP,  AND USE MATH FOR EVIL. I HOWEVER NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEMS WITH THE CHINESE, OR THEIR FOOD. HOWEVER, RECENTLY MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER AND HER JEW BOYFRIEND (THE JEWS ARE THE ONLY ONES NOT TO TRUST) BROUGHT ME TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, AND I WAS SHOCKED!!! I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE ONE THING ON THE MENU–THEY SAID “THIS IS AN AUTHENTIC CHINESE PLAAAAACE” GRANDMA, ALL SLOW LIKE I’M DEAF OR SOMETHING. ANYWAY, THERE WASN’T ANY CHOP SUEY OR EGG FOO YOUNG ON THE MENU! THEY HAD EGG ROLLS BUT THEY WEREN’T EVEN COOKED. ALL IN ALL IT WAS A BUM DEAL AND I HAD THE TROLLYWOOPS FOR DAYS FROM THE “SKEZWAN” SPICE. (WHY DON’T THEY SPELLIT LIKE IT SOUNDS??)  I AM ASKING YOU, WHERE DO I FIND A CHINESE RESTAURANT THAT SERVES REAL CHINESE FOOD LIKE EGG FOO YOUNG? OR HAS EVERYTHING CHANGED NOW? IN CHINA WHERE YOU LIVE, WHERE DO YOU GO FOR FOOD? I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVEING THAT WHAT I ATE FOR MY BIRTHDAY WAS ANYTHING LIKE WHAT THE REAL CHINESE EAT.

 

WELL, HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON, I HAVE TO DUST BUSTERS OLD TRUMPET NOW.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS,
BEULAH (BEE BEE) BIJOUX

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