Arlene Shirlee : Dear Spammer, I Love You

February 7, 2010

Leena Shirlee to Sarah Koko: “The Charleston Clams have gone to state every year since the Great Clam became their mascot.”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee,Uncategorized — ArleneShirlee @ 12:17 am
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From: Sarah Koko

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: January 4, 2010

Subject: FROM SARAH KOKO I LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU BECAUSE I AM SERIOUS

Dear Friend,

I want to ask you this,can you stand for my help as family friend and clam my let father consignment to your country and finally send me letter of invitation to come and stay with you for my education?  I am living alone,they killed my father and brother,

if you can give me your trust then you has nothing to regret,I am 18 years old girl,I want to be a nurse when i come to your country.   I have gone through your profile and i am interest to be your family friend.the fund that my late fathers consignment containing is 5MU$,and i am his next of king as his only survival daughter in the family.

If possible we can have a joint venture business when the fund comes to your country,or you take 15% of the total sum of the money as your effort doing the proses.update me true my email address (sarah_koko406@hotmail.com) if you are serious to help me,

Your Truly
Sarah  Koko.


From: Leena Shirlee

To: Sarah Koko

Date: January 5th, 2010

Subject: RE: FROM SARAH KOKO I LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU BECAUSE I AM SERIOUS


Hello Sarah,

The family friend and clam you speak of (named “The Great Clam”), goes back many many generations. My great grandfather was a fisherman, and he found the clam underneath an shipwrecked sailboat. Now,back in the late 1800s clams were quite small, usually the size of a childs fist. But this clam was nearly four feet wide! Imagine my great grandfather’s delight in knowing he’d be able to feed his whole family off one single clam for nearly a month. I don’t know if you know what it’s like to go hungry Sarah, but it is a miserable affair. Before the miracle of the Great Clam my great grandmother was forced to make a gruel out of seaweed and asbestos called “Glumworm” which she fed to my grandmother and her siblings. Unfortunately, my grandmother died of a giant lung mushroom approximately three days before the Great Clam was discovered. (And also approximately 29,200 days before I was born.)

Well, at any rate, The Great Clam was such an object of adoration among the townspeople, it soon became the town mascot. Most people would not consider a Clam, which mostly just sits quietly at the bottom of the ocean, an emblem of bravery or determination. I would heartily agree. Clams are boring and add nothing to modern culture. And yet,consider this: The Charleston Clams (Charleston’s high school varsity football team) have gone to state nearly every year since the Great Clam became their mascot. Not too shabby for a dim piece of aquaqtic detrius!

You may be wondering at this point…”Well, how does leena feel about clams now?” Ironically enough, I do have severe shellfish allergies. (rest assured, however, I am fully lesbian). When I see clams around, I try not to make a big deal out of it, you know?  They are just like anyone else BUT  as far as claiming a clam as my personal animal totem, well…call me old fashioned but I’d rather just be myself.

Hope you recover from your cold,
Leena

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