Arlene Shirlee : Dear Spammer, I Love You

November 25, 2009

Leena Shirlee to Rev. Edward: “The headquarters of Akinabi/Nayaju are hard to penetrate but I think I Have found a way in.”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee — ArleneShirlee @ 7:14 pm
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2009/11/23 Rev.Edword John <rev.edword2@mail.com>

 

Dear Brethren,
In accordance to my religious persuasion, I felt expedient to write and inform you on the wicked conspiracy hatched by the duo of JUSTICE AKANBI and Mr. Naiyaju of the Ministry of Finance to divert your money to their designated account in Europe.
From my position as a lowly clerk in this office, I discovered that they moved the fund from Lagos to SPAIN and from SPAIN; they have moved it last week to Banco Italiano in ITALY. Today I found out through the Central computer database that they are about to reroute your fund to AIR COURIER  SECURITY COMPANY in London. With this, I felt that it is important for me to alert you on this development.
They are still using your name and contract/inheritance identification number as the beneficiary but they have changed the account co-ordinate, that is why they are frustrating you by asking for money every time in order for them to go behind and contact you. I have the reference number of the transaction and also I have the number of the official who is directly in charge at the AIR COURIER SECURITY COMPANY  in London. Your payment is supposed to go through the London credit control financial clearinghouse before finally Lodge  in AIR COURIER SRCURITY COMPANY in London Uk. All the data about your claim profile are within my reach. I do not need gratification from you either in cash or kind; I can never be a part of evil because the bible said YE SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE.
Please respect my discretion in this matter, you can send an email to me so that I can give you the reference number and the name and contact information of the officials of the AIR COURIER SECURITY COMPANY in London UK. I repeat, please do not expose my person, it is not easy to get jobs around here and I cannot contend with these powerful individuals because they can eliminate me just like that.
God bless you
Rev.Edword John

From: Leena Shirlee
To: Rev. Edward John
Date: November 24, 2009
Subject: Re: In accordance to my religious persuasion
Dear Reverend, Oh no!!! The Akanabi/Naiyaju duo is at it again!!! Just as I suspected. I have been tracking them for months with my cyber-stretch spy ear, and have been notified by my shape-shifting sidekick Baby Fudge that they are up to a dastardly scheme!! Your email has confirmed what we’ve already surmised: Akanabi/Naiyaju are planning to launch an AIRPLANE COURIER containing meatballs they’ve been smuggling out of local italian eateries. They will not stop until every single person has collapsed under the weight of tomato-slatered beef.The headquarters of Akanabi/Naiyaju  are hard to penetrate, but I think I have figured out a way in. I am glad I can count on you as an ally, my friend, together we can save the world from a greasy, garlicky end.I know that Akanabi’s only weakness is his former lover, the lovely Ukranian Ranya Svetslovknyaglovnyitsky. I have a somewhat blurry picture of Ranya taken at a nightclub some years ago and I think with enough make-up I will be able to pull off a convinceable likeness. My shapeshifting side-kick Baby Fudge will transform into a romantic box of chocolates. When Akanabi lets us in, I will make some romantic small talk with him while Baby Fudge makes her way to the “italian diner” at the top floor. I will then use my lasso-flail to pin Akanabi to the bed and then rush up to meet Baby Fudge where we will capture all the meatballs in my zapnet and carry them to a remote area to be detonated safely.

As far as Naiyaju goes, I was hoping you’d be able to give me some advice. Surely you know him better than others–what would you say his weaknesses are? Does he have, for instance, a weak left eye? How is his coordination? Does he have a low-tolerance for alcohol or peanuts?

Hope to hear from you soon,
mightily yours,
Dynama the Death Dove (and Baby Fudge)

Dynama! Justice of the Peace!

 

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