Arlene Shirlee : Dear Spammer, I Love You

November 13, 2009

Allistair Goldheart to Gift Jenny Scott: “Your passion is alive, and it clutches my throat like a gentle assasin wearing velvet gloves. “

Filed under: Allistair Goldheart — ArleneShirlee @ 4:22 am
Tags: , , , , ,

 

From: Gift Jenny Scott <lovinggift00@yahoo.com>
Subject: Friendship Invitation
To: allistairgoldheart@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, November 3, 2009, 8:13 AM

Good Afternoon,
How are you doing today,i hope all is well with you over there..i hope my mail finds you in a very good mood just as your mail also find me in a very good mood,My full name is Gift Jenny Scott,I know you believe that good things come to those who wait, but my wonder is ..Well i just saw your email as i was going through yahoo people search then i just taught that i should send me a mail so we could know more about each other more better… why does it take so long for those good things to arrive, and why does the wait have to come with all these obstacles of hard and testing times?,let me tell u a little about my self i am 30 years From United State  single , don’t have kids never married before and have no  kids but was ones in a relationship that never went well,Well i want you to understand that why i left the state was not my Fault if that my Dad was still alive i will still be in the state and life would have not be the way it is right now for me and my mum… i  work with an international orphanage home a charity organization that is Affiliated to UNICEF here we work in all around the world helping the homeless kids mostly Orphans  we help the less villager kids out of the street and  give them good life and upbringing and orphans, Right now i am in United Kingdom, London , cos my Mom is from the UK  and my Father is  from the  United State when i was three i lost My  Father  so me and my Mom just have to come back to United Kingdom cos life was not good for us there any more and that is why i am here today where we are helping the homeless kids and we are going all around the world to do this , but i live parnently here in the UK , i think i really have a great passion for kids and that is why i am working with them, i help as a Volunteer Teacher and Nurse cos i have a Degree in Nursing i am an RN Nurse,  I Teach and take care of  kids from the ages of 5/10 as a Volunteer Teach and Nurse in any Orphanage home that we visit.    I am a very Down to Earth Lady , caring kind and Romantic Lady, i love to travel have fun and meet new people , i love Sports and i love to be in a very good Shape,and i have a very good and high sex drive i love to try New Things and be happy.

I Never believed in online dating just not been treated well with the men I have met locally so thought I give it a go and see how things work out. Though I am not trying to play hard to get wouldn’t want to rush things up as they say once beaten twice shy. I guess we take our time, till we both have the feelings to move forward.
I am a romantic person and I do believe in love and I believe that there is a special person out there for everyone in this world. I sometimes feel that each one of us is born with a bit of their heart or a bit of there soul missing, and that each one of us searches long time for that piece of their heart or piece of their soul that is missing, and that we do not know peace, happiness or true contentment until we find that person that has a match for our heart and soul … I do believe that I will find her one day, and I know we will live together happily forever .I am serious good mannered and have good sense of humor, I知 Smart, Confident, Romantic, Responsible, Kind, Gentle, Supportive, Cheerful, romantic ,poetic I love going to the Cinema, Shopping, Beaches, Parks, Trekking in hills, Meeting with friends, gardening and most especially spend time together with my soul mate. All I’m missing is a good hearten and honest partner, who is willing to stay with me and share all my Joy, Sorrows and Happiness someone who is clever and fun to be with, passionate and open for new experiences.

I think what i want in my life right now is some one that has so much energy that can give me the best of Love making love and  try new thing and go on a very good adventure and that is while i am on that site i don’t care where the person is from i just want to meet some one that we can make our dream and Happiness. Phantasy’s come to reality so tell me about ur self and what u are looking lets see how we can meet and have some good time .   I will have to stop here now and i will be waiting for ur reply.Hope to read from you soon..
Take care

Gift Cares!!!!


From: Allistairgoldheart@yahoo.com
To: Lovinggift00@yahoo.com
Date: November 1, 2009
Subject: Re: Friendship invitation

Hello Foxy!

Allow me to introduce myself–my name is Allistair Goldheart. You may have heard of me through one of the books I’ve written: Mining for Love, Love Investments, or Mutual Bonding?  They are all books on how to love rich men! (You can buy the box set on amazon for $49.00)

You sure talk a pretty game, and seem to be a well-balanced and lively lady.  Not at all like my wife who recently left me–her main passion in life was buying shoes on Ebay. Did you know she had over 300 pairs of Ugg boots? Somehow I sense you are the type of woman who would own just one simple pair of pumps, and wear them until they fall off of her feet. Then, you would go to the local cobbler (probably a kind and/or mentally retarded old man) and ask him to carve you up a brand new pair of shoes and you would step into the world as a new woman. (I sound like I should be writing for commercials, don’t I?!)

I understand what you mean, about being mauled by orphans.  Back in 1985 some quote unquote “kids of mine” decided to track me down while I was in the middle of a very important lecture at Penn State University. They claimed that I was their father, but when I asked them to wait to speak with me  until after my lecture they picked up some antipasti from the buffet table and threw it right at my face! No child of mine would behave so rudely, I tell you. And nothing stings worse than a cornichon in the eye.

So, um, I don’t know how to broach this subject but since  I believe in radical honesty so I’m just going to come out and say it: I have a very large penis. I am not saying this to brag, but only to let you know because some women have found it to be a hindrance and/or painful while making love with me. However, let me reassure you that there are several positions we can try that, given my girth and length, will make you scream howdy jesus. I spent a considerable time in the orient, studying various tantric techniques, and trust me I know to “unfold the lotus.”  I know it sounds like I’m rushing things but I can’t help how undeniably turned on you’ve made me with your note. Your passion is alive, and it clutches my throat like a gentle assasin wearing velvet gloves.

Well, I look forward to hearing more from you, my dear Gift! (Is that your real name seriously??) Perhaps we can go trekking sometime soon, or if you want to get to know me via emails, I am open to exploring that too. As I said, I am recently divorced so no marraige for me right now! Still, you have me quite taken, my dear.

Sweet dreams!
Allistair

Advertisements

Introducing our newest Spamfighter: Allistair Goldheart!

Filed under: Allistair Goldheart — ArleneShirlee @ 4:03 am
Tags: ,

Hola, everyone! Well it seems the more spammer love letters I publish online, the more I am approached by people who share the same filthy habit I do.  Meet Allistair Goldheart. He wrote several self-help books in the late 70’s on how to date rich men, got married to one of his golddiggers, and now is recently divorced and yes, ladies so very SINGLE!! He loves to write steamy letters to porn spambots, but lacks the courage to actually put himself on match.com so if you feel so inspired, drop him a line at allistairgoldheart@yahoo.com and tell him all about your boobcam!

I hope Allistair will be a regular poster here at “Dear Spammer I love You.”

Loveinvestments

Hello Foxies!!!

November 12, 2009

Leena Shirlee to Timothy Bruce: “In one corner of the kitchen there seemed to be an ovoid slab of meat the cooks were slicing and placing on platters.”

From: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 1, 2009
Subject: Re: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED

Dear Leena,

Well you can your mystery shopping job by providing this following information’s

Name in full
Mailing address
Telephone number.

Tim bruce.


From: Leena Shirlee
To: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
Date: November 1, 2009
Subject: Re: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED


Hi! Yipee!

My name is Leena Shirlee

My address is 715 Harrison St/San Francisco/CA/94107.

Unfortunately, since the burn accident I mentioned in my last letter, I lost a considerable amount of hearing and cannot use the telephone. I communicate by lip reading, and ASL mostly, but recently I have learned to tap into people’s thoughtwaves. If you’ve ever seen Wim Wenders “Wings of Desire” it’s kind of like that, but as anyone will tell you, I’m no angel, lol!

Could you tell me which costume you’d like me to wear for my first assignment, so I can make sure it’s pressed and laundered?

Thanks again, and can’t wait to start my MYSTERIOUS SHOPPING! MWA WA WA!
Best,

Leena

 

From: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 2, 2009
Subject: MORE DETAILS

 

Hello Mystery Shopper,

Thanks for your interest in working for this great company,your
details as been received and has been forwarded to our Administrative
department for proper screening and documentation.

Your first  assignment to test your speedy processing of the funds and
your work agility in our company would take place in the next 48
hrs,you are entitled to $300 deduction from  the funds when it arrives
and you will be receiving this Amount Twice a week making the total of
$600 per week.The funds as been sent to the address above and i would
email you a tracking number before the end of the day.I want to use
this medium to welcome you on Board ,a letter of appointment  and job
details will be communicated to you shortly. Once again welcome on
board.

Do confirm the receipt of this message,have a great day.

Best Regards,

Timothy Bruce

From: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 2, 2009
Subject: PAYMENT DELIVERY

 

Payment would be  delivered to you  via FedEx today  please email me
immediately to acknowledge receipt of the payment.

This  first  assignment is to test your speedy processing of the funds
and your work agility in our company,you are entitled to $300
deduction from  the funds that arrived  and you will be receiving this
Amount Twice a week making the total of $600 per week.

The amount on the Check will cover the project bills and also your
weekly wages,and the run around for your assignment,kindly proceed to
your bank and cash the funds today ,you are entitled to $300 of the
funds and you are to remit the Balance of the funds to our next
mystery shopper today.

IMPORTANT: THE PAYMENT  IS BRANDED BY OUR BURSARY DEPARTMENT AND WILL
BE CASHED INSTANTLY IN YOUR BANK OR NEXT DAY DEPOSIT.

When the funds is available,you have to deduct $300 and the balance
remainder of the money will be used for your assignment which is
stated below,adhere to the instructions as they are and ask questions
if you find anything confusing.

EXPLANATION ON WHAT YOU NEED TO DO WITH THE BALANCE OF THE FUNDS/IN
YOUR FIRST SHOPPING EXPERIENCE.

Our Finance department has just established a new local and
international money transfer system, a  payment credit company in
Australia and we are eager to begin operations to the general public
here in the states.

The system is called i-cash. We need your services as a mystery
shopper to check out other stores which offer similar services and get
us as much information on them as possible.

For easier process, we recommend you to Visit any WESTERN UNION OUTLET
Nearer to you for your first assignment;you have to visit the  store
and observe their services,you will also transact with them with the
balance of the funds.You will have to make a transfer with the balance
of the Funds from the outlet you wish and Kinldy note the Name of the
Western Unio Outlet for record Purposes

As a secret shopper,you should go there and study how their operations
work while using their money transfer system.

You will test their local and foreign immediate transfer service which
means you will make a transfer at the above store in your location.

The cost of sending the  transfer will be deducted from the amount of
money you are sending.

You will observe how long it takes for them to attend to you, how many
people work on the transfer system, etc.

We cannot state all you need to find out but we can only hint you on
the type of information we need and your future position with this
company will depend on your creativity and your ability to get the job
done in good time.

We do not appreciate delay of assignments for any reason and such may
severely affect your chances of being offered a permanent position in
our company.

Here are the information of the next mystery shopper that you will
bemaking the transfer to,the funds is needed for her assignment, the
funds must be transferred at any western union  location you wish to
Handle,have the funds sent to the name and address below.

NAME:    Sandy VandeVelde
ADDRESS:       251 Carlton Dr
CITY:                    North Olmsted
STATE:                  OH
ZIP CODE:             44070
COUNTRY:            U.S.A

Here is a hint of the type of information we will need from you

-Procedure of attendance:

-How many attendants were at the outlet:

-How many minutes it took for them to attend to you and process transfer:

-Information that you think would be helpful

-Your comments and impressions.

As a secret shopper your job is to observe anything useful going on in
the outlet.

Make sure you observe everything you see in there because you may be
asked some other questions when you return.

You have to ensure that the funds is transferred via western union
money transfer.

Please try as much to be discrete when doing your work as a mystery
shopper,and also make sure that you submit your observational report
at appropriate time.

Also to further finalize this Assignment, you have to get back to us
with the below western union transfer information for the money you
sent to the mystery shopper:

1. Senders Name and Address

2. 10 Digit Money Transfer Control Number {M.T.C.N}

3. The amount transferred after deducting western union charges.

This project shouldn’t take you more than a couple of hours to
execute,we appreciate the  timely submission of your report,that is
the essence of the $300 deduction from the total funds.

We can also determine your efficiency and the commitment you show
towards working with us,this will be seriously considered when
reviewing your position to permanent worker in our company,where u can
earn larger amount of money.

Do get back to me with the detailed reports, including breakdown of
expenses, time spent on your activities and transfer information.

Looking forward to working with you on this project and remember to
pretend to be a client who wants to send money so they won’t detect
that you are a secret shopper.

Should you have any other questions or need more Instructions as to
your first assignment, send me an email for further details.

Kindly email me as soon as you get this message. I hope to hear from you today.

Kind Regards
Timothy Bruce.

 

From: Leena Shirlee
To: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
Date: November 11, 2009
Subject: Re: CHEVY’S REPORT



Hi there, Bruce! I have completed the assignment you’ve given me. I hope you find my report satisfactory! I wore my Undercover Mother outfit as not to arouse fear in the staff or customers, due to my hideously disfigured body.Please let me know if there are any further details you need!

Report on Chevy’s Restaurant #6202 in Lafayette, CA.

Date & Time: November 11, 2009, 2:13 PM.

Server: Maddie G.

Manager: Ursula Jiminez

Overall Ambiance: The restaurant, and bathroom facilities seemed to be in general good working order. No roaches were found, although my glass of water seemed to have a speck of something floating in it. Upon closer inspection, it was only a poppy seed and easily removed.

2:15 PM: Maddie G. brought me a menu and some chips and salsa. She informed me that the special of the day was “Taste of Chevys” a sampler platter consisting of enchilada, chili relleno, and taco. She assured me there would be no flaming fajitas in this dish, and so I went ahead and ordered it, along with a Diet Coke.

2:20 PM: A strange man came to refill my chips and salsa (I must have been hungry!) , but he smiled at me kindly and I took no further notes. I saw no nametag.

2:21: Maddie G brought me my diet coke and asked me if I was doing okay. I noticed she looked at me in an odd way, but I am used to this because of my disfigurement, so I said “yes, I am okay. I am just worried about my oldest son, he’s trying out for soccer today and if he doesn’t make the team he will be so upset.” Maddie G responded by bragging  about her daughter who just advanced to the gymnastics finals. I felt she did not commiserate with me as well as she could, about my son. (Of course, I have no son, I was just playing the part). Later I realized that I had a large blob of salsa stuck to part of my mask, and that is probably why she looked at me strangely.

2:27: The strange man came back to refill my water–I asked him his name, he said “Raoul.” I asked him how long he’d been working at Chevy’s and he said “A long time” and then scurried away. Strange!

2:28 I am stilL waiting for my taste of Chevy’s to arrive!!!  eating more complimentary chips and salsa. The diet coke is starting to make me anxious! I begin tearing my napkin into small pieces, which is a nervous habit from grade school. I notice a small stain on the floor, near the entrance. The cooks are speaking loudly in mexican, and laughing insanely.

2:30 My taste of Chevy’s finally arrives! Maddie G apologized for the delay, and said they are short-staffed in the kitchen. (It sure sounded to me like there were plenty of people in there!) She brings me another diet coke on the house-nice!

2:40
I have now finished my Taste of Chevy’s and I have to admit, it wasn’t very good! I ordered the pork enchilada, beef taco, and chicken bravo chiquladores. All three tasted nearly identical. How is this possible seeing as they are different kinds of meat? I decided I must investigate this further, so I got up and went to the bathroom (I really did have to go after two diet cokes!) On my way back to my table, I decided to hang a left and sneak a peak in the kitchen. It was hard to really tell what was happening, there were so many pots and pans and bowls. However, in one corner there seemed to be a large ovoid-shape of meat that the cooks were shaving off and placing on platters. Kind of like gyro-meat if you’ve ever seen one being made, but much larger and unattached to any sort of serving rod or plank. Just a big slab of brown gristle in the back of the kitchen. I tried to sneak in closer, but one of the cooks noticed me and I grew fearful and ran away.

2:45 I noticed Maddie G charged me for refills on the diet coke! She said the free-refills policy is only after two refills. But I ask you, who can drink more than two 16 oz glasses of diet coke?? Ridiculous. This policy might need further investigation/action.

OVERALL RESULTS:

I found the customer service to be fair to good at this restaurant. Maddie was pleasant, (though I was put off by her bragging about her daughter) and the chips/salsa man Raoul seemed nice enough (yet timid but maybe he didn’t speak english well)???  The large meat ovoid in the kitchen might need to be investigated–what the heck kind of meat is it? Is it the same meat used for my chicken, pork, and beef dishes? If so, why? Small stain needs to be cleaned up, and drinks refill policy is ridiculous but overall, I found the whole dining experience to be a non-event. I certainly wouldn’t recommend firing any of the staff, as was implied by your email.

The bill came to $18.34 and with tip it was $23.00 total. (I think you said we get reimbursed for this??)

This was fun! Let me know what my assignment is, and when I should expect my payment. Also, I have a down-and-out unemployed friend who might be interested in these assignments, do you think it would be okay to pass along your information to her?

Cheers,
Leena

tasteofchevys

Aribba! Aribba!

November 6, 2009

Leena Shirlee to Edward Rosen: “I do humbly accept your job offer as seamstress at H&M Fabrics”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee — ArleneShirlee @ 7:38 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,
2009/11/4 Edward Rosen <camped@campedwards.org>

Edward Rosen, Managing director
H&M FABRICS
Office address: 21 circle road,
Victoria city, Accra, Ghana

Hello Sir/Madam,

H&M FABRICS is in search of a bookkeeper/company representative in the United States, Canada and the UK. This project has Been developed in a way not to affect your present job nor bring you any form of stress but in order to help take care of those Extra costs while you work for us.

H&M FABRICS is a company that deals in the production and supplies of Batik, Assorted African fabrics, various clothing Materials, African art materials and all kinds of furniture’s for exporting to the world. Presently our website is under Construction and should be ready soon. Recently It came to my knowledge that there are a lot of lapses in handling funds coming from our clients in the US, Canada and UK which come in forms of Cashiers checks, Company checks and Money Orders which are not readily cashable outside the United States, Canada and UK,….So we need someone in the US, Canada and UK to work as our representatives and assist us in processing the payments from our various clients which come in on a weekly, monthly and annual basis. This is why we decided to employ a representative over in the US, Canada and europe to help us receive our payments at your contact address you shall be providing us, in order to process our payment from our clients. All you need to do is receive these payments from our clients in country. Get it deposited at your bank for 24hours, Cash it after 24hours then deduct your percentage (10% of each payment) plus transfer charges and forward the balance funds to one of company’s representatives via Western Union.

Our payments will be issued out in your name as we would inform our clients to do. Therefore the following details would be Needed: I would require you to send me an email with the following details

1) Your Full name:…..
2) Your Address:….
3) Your Phone number
4) Your Age:….
5) Your Occupation:…
6)Active Email Address….
7)Bank Name……
8) Are You a Property Owner?
9) Do you Have Home/Business Equity Line Of Credit Account?
10) Home/Business Equity Line Of Credit Account Limit

We would forward these information’s to our clients and they will start making payments to you as the company’s representative in the states, Canada or UK.
Once we have all your details in our records,. We would notify you as soon as we confirm that one of our clients is mailing Payment across to you.

Please note we have security experts, who work in hand with the FBI & IRS to detect the validity of the details you provide us, Should there be foul play.
I hope to read from you soon.

Warmest Regards,

Edward Rosen,
Managing director
H&M FABRICS
Office address: 21 circle road,
Victoria city, Accra, Ghana

 

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Edward Rosen <camped@campedwards.org>

Date: November 5, 2009

Subject:Re: Employment Offers


Hello, Mr. Rosen, and well met this is Leena!

I can’t tell you what a relief it is to get your email–I have been unemployed for nearly a year now and was dangerously close to throwing myself out the window out of useless despair when your email appeared like an angel in a cloud of glitter!

In other words, I do humbly accept your job offer as seamstress at H&M Fabrics. Though you didn’t ask for work samples, I will send you a few pictures of my “creations” –I hope you’ll be able to sense the hard work and artistry I am capable of.  (Please, I hope you are not offended by them, they are only costumes and meant for fun only).

I have been working endless pointless office jobs my whole life, but the truth is, I only feel truly alive when I am at my sewing machine!!!. All the cares of the world disappear, and I become one with the fabric while the machine whirs it’s lullaby to me. I am especially good with linen, and chenille. Infact, if I have children (the doctor says I have bum eggs) I will name them Linen Christoff (if it’s a boy) and Chenille May (If it’s a girl!).


Please let me know if you would like me to come in for a formal sit-down interview, or if you would like more samples of my work.

Throwing myself out the window no more and stepping into the glory of personal victory!!!! Thank you Mr. Rosen, you are a godsend!!
Leena

Dans La Restrikt

 

 

 

costume2

Believe it or not, this is a special linen from Thailand!!

Leena Shirlee to Elisabeth Mayer: “the metal gnomes didn’t seem to notice so I advanced to level 5 and gained the ukelele of immunity!!”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee — ArleneShirlee @ 6:24 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
On Sat, Oct 31, 2009 at 6:58 AM, BRITISH CANADIAN LOTTERY BC-49 <info@bcl.org> wrote:

 

BRITISH CANADIAN LOTTERY BC-49,
70 Foster Drive, Suite 800, Sault Ste.
Marie, Ontario, P6A 6V2, Canada.
Winning No: 1 2 11 32 36 39
Bonus No: 12

Ref No: IMP/73253CA/2009
Batch No: 642376/CA/2009.

FINAL NOTIFICATION!!
The Canadian Government in collaboration with the British Government and the
World Gaming Bard are the sponsors of this online email lottery for
compensation and grant for both past lottery winners and the entire world
public for purpose of Infrastructural development as an online compensation
for all internet users.

We happily announce to you the draw of the Special Global 2009 Promotional
Draw held on the October 26, 2009 in Manchester in the United Kingdom and
Ontario Canada. Your e-mail address attached to REF No; IMP/73253CA/2009,
with Batch No: 642376/CA/2009 drew the Winning No: 1 2 11 32 36 39 Bonus No:
12 for BC-49 Lotto under the choice of the lottery in the 1st category of bi-
weekly six.

All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through
computer draws system and extracted from over 10,000,000 companies and
personal e-mails. So your email is your online automatic ticket that
qualified you for this draw.
You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of 520,000.00 GBP (Five
Hundred and Twenty Thousand Pounds Sterling)

In view of this, your 520,000.00 GBP (Five Hundred and Twenty Thousand Pounds
Sterling) would be released to you by following the directives of the courier
company. Our London- UK courier will immediately commence the process to
facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact the office. So
you are required to forward the following details to our trusted courier
company to help facilitate the processing of your claims:

You are to contact the Dynamic Parcel Delivery Company for payment with
details below:
Contact Person: David Moree.
Courier Name: Dynamic Parcel Delivery Company
Email: dpdcouriercompany1@national-champs.com
Tel: +44 7035 925434, + 44 704 570 5126, +44 702 401 2805.

PAYMENT PROCESSING FORM:
(1) FULL NAME:
(2) FULL ADDRESS:
(3) AGE/SEX
(4) OCCUPATION:
(5) TELEPHONE NUMBER:
(6) TOTAL AMOUNT WON:
(7) BATCH NUMBER AS LISTED ABOVE:
(8) BONUS NUMBERS:
(9) YOUR WINNING NUMBERS:
(10) COUNTRY:

*Winners are advised to keep their winning details/information from the
public to avoid fraudulent claim (IMPORTANT) pending the prize claim by
Winner.

Congratulation!!

Sincerely,
Elisabeth Mayer (Mrs.)
Lottery Controller General
BC-49 Lottery.

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Elisabeth Mayer <info@bcl.org>

Date: November 3rd, 2009

Subject: Re: CONFORM!!!!


Hello, British Canadian Lottery and well met this is Leena!

I have been playing the World Bard Game for quite sometime now  (about 5 years on and off, but now that I am unemployed it’s all I’ve been doing) and have been waiting for the day when I reach level 20 (the tantric jazz king!) and win!!!!  however now that I have won, I just dont’ feel right about accepting my money!! Is that weird? Call it fear of success, or what have you but I am frightened of what such a large sum  of money would do to me, like….The real me. The me on the outside would love to take the money and spend it on marvellous things like a ferrari or a hitachi inside button massager. I would also  like to pay a visit to my ailing grandmother in greece, and pay back all the people I loaned money from while I sat at home eating dinty moore stew and playing the World Bard Game.

HOWEVER the inside me, the me under the middle me (which is ambivalent about the whole ordeal) but ABOVE the core-me (which is always burning, hot, and hateful)  feels wrong about taking the money.

Quite simply, because I have cheated.

So, you know that part of the World Bard Game on level 4 where you have to sing a song of sixpence to release the princess from the dungeon? For whatever reason, maybe I was drunk or whatever, I (As my centaur character Harlequin GoldTrotter)  sang a song of FIVE-PENCE…..  but the metal gnomes didn’t seem to notice so I went right in and snagged the princess, advancing to level 5 immediately and gaining the ukelele of immunity!!!

I went on playing the game, advancing levels; In my bluegrass zombie battle, I won an amazing steel-string bayonet banjo, and after a lengthy dirge in a minor key I found the singing glitter dwarves in an enclave. Quite simply put, I kicked effing ass. But late at night my feelings of guilt began to grow–for had I sang a song of SIXPENCE originally, I might not have advanced as far as I have.

I am sorry but I don’t think I can accept your award. It should go to a more worthy player, someone who doesn’t cheat or lie their way through the world bard game as I did.

If you can think of one good reason why I am wrong, please tell me now.

Trust in the Bard, Sing Strong, Sing Long!!
Leena (The Harlequin GoldTrotter)

goldencentaur

Harlequin GoldTrotter

BEULAH BIJOUX TO HARRISON KARN: “IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME SAY IT I DONT’ WANT NO RATFINK LAWYERS INTERCEDING IN OUR BUSINESS”

Filed under: Beulah Bijoux — ArleneShirlee @ 5:06 pm
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— On Wed, 11/4/09, FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com> wrote:

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: The details of the Attorney
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 6:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 04/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Based on the picture you painted and irrespective of my resolved to help you, I do not think that we can handle the situation over here. So I suggest you make use of an attorney to do the signing for you. Please, contact the attorney whose details are stated below:-

Name: Barrister Charles Eke (SAN)

Name of the legal firm: Eligwe Chambers

Address: No. 23 Collins Avenue , Victoria Island , Lagos Nigeria

Telephone No: +234- 8027519939

Email: eligwechambers@gmx.de or eligwechambers@lawyer.com

He is a very good and dedicated lawyer, he is also God fearing. I know that he can make the difference for you. Do remember that you are not to pay for his legal fees until you confirm your payment with your bankers.

However, shall provide for the administrative fees, e.g. the stamp-duty of the Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment, as he shall not finance your transaction; attorneys are prohibited by law against it.

Instruct him to prepare to be in my office between Fridays, 6th of November to Friday, 13th of November 2009, with your file reference number: FBNP/X-XI/NGV/2009, for the signing of your payment documents.

Thanks, as I expect to hear from you introducing the attorney as your official representative.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Dept

First Bank of Nigeria PLC

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: November 5th, 2009

Subject: Re: The Details of the Attorney”

DEAR MR. NIGERIA, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX, NOW I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN AND RARELY TAKE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN BUT WHAT IN THE CRAP ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WITH LAWYERS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUYING ME A TICKET TO FLY TO NIGERIA, AND I WAS BUSY PACKING MY BAGS AND NOW YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT LAWYERS? I HAVE NOTHING BUT BAD ASSOCIATIONS WITH LAWYERS. LAWYERS ARE THE REASON MY SISTERS EX HUSBAND (WHO ATTEMPTED TO CHOKE HER WITH A TURKEY LEG ONE THANKSGIVING) RUNS FREE IN THE WORLD, AND LAWYERS ARE WHY MY GRANDDADDY LOST HIS ESTATES AND WAS SENT TO AN INSTITUTION WHERE THEY LEFT HIM IN A CORNER DROOLING UNTIL HE DIED A LONELY BROKEN MAN.

I SUPPOSE IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT MY LATE HUSBAND ALSO DID NOT TRUST LAWYERS INFACT HE HAD A JOKE HE TOLD  THAT GOES LIKE THIS–“A LAWYER, A MONKEY, AND SANTA CLAUS WERE IN HEAVEN WAITING AT THE PEARLY GATES. GOD LOOKED AT THE MONKEY AND SAID YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER BIT NOBODY, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.”  HE LOOKED AT SANTA AND SAID “YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER DIDDLED NO KIDS AND YOU STAYED FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.” HE LOOKED AT THE  LAWYER, AND SAID “YOU TOOK A WRONG TURN BUDDY, GO CHECK YOUR MAP.”

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, THEN SAY IT TO ME, I DO NOT WANT NO RATFINK LAWYERS INTERCEDING IN OUR BUSINESS AFFAIRS. YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD MAN AND I WONDER WHY YOU WOULD AGREE TO LET CORRUPT LAYWERS HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS,
BEULAH BIJOUX

crookmip

I FOUND IT IN MY HOPE CHEST

Leena Shirlee to Sarah King: “Cancer is the second saddest thing I can think of to happen to someone.”

Filed under: Leena Shirlee — ArleneShirlee @ 12:12 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2009/11/5 king <sarahkings191s@hotmail.com>

– Hide quoted text –

My name is Mrs. SARAH King I am a dying woman who has decided to
donate what I have to charity through you.You may be wondering why I
chose you. But someone has to be chosen. I am 59 years old and was
diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago,immediately after the death of
my husband who had left me everything he worked for.I have been
touched by the lord to donate from what I have inherited from my late
husband to charity through you for the good work of humanity,rather
than allow my relatives to use my husband’s hard earned funds
inappropriately.I have asked the lord to forgive me all my sins and I
believe he has,because He is merciful. I will be going in for an
operation,and I pray that I survive the operation.I have decided to
WILL/Donate the sum of $10.5 Million (10 Million five hundred thousand
Dollars) to charity through you for the good work of the lord, and to
help the motherless,less privileged and also fortheassistance of the
widows At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the
fact that my relatives are around me and I have been restricted by my
doctor from taking telephone calls because I deserve all the rest I
can get.Presently,I have informed my lawyer about my decision in
WILLING this fund to charity through you. I wish you all the best and
may the good Lord bless you abundantly, and please use the funds well
and always extend the good work to others.If you are interested in
carrying out this task,i will inform my family Lawyer so that he can
arrange the release of the funds to you.I know i have never met you
but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely.I will
pay you 30% of this money if you will assist me because I am now too
weak and fragile to do things myself because of my cancer.NB: I will
appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task
is accomplished,as I don’t want anything that will Jeopardize my last
wish, due to the fact that I do not want relatives or family members
standing in the way of my last wish. pls send email to my privet,
address Love,SARAH King

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Sarah King <sarahkings191s@hotmail.com>

Date: November 3rd, 2009

Subject: Re: Charity Projects

Hello Sarah, and well met this is Leena!

I praise the bouncing  baby jesus that you found me–how did you know I’ve been down-and-out and seeking some sort of sign from the universe that my work here on earth can truly begin? You must be receptive to the energies of angels, for they do float hither and yon. Most of them yon. We cannot see them because we are too selfish, like your selfish relatives. But I see them, and they all look like you Sarah. From their twinkling little eyes to their feather soft bottoms, to their prehensile tails. If it looks like an angel, whispers like an angel, then it must be Sarah King

I am sorry to hear about your cancer–what kind of cancer was it? Cancer is the second saddest thing I can think to happen to a person. The first is a bite from the brown reclusive spiders. I do hope you’ll pull through your surgery!

Now about my charity work. I have started a few charities here in the Bay Area and sadly I haven’t been able to find the funding for them. I was just about to give up and turn to the bottle when your email arrived, blessed day!!

The first is a program that allows terminally ill children to run with grizzly bears. It’s called “Li’l Grizzlies” and it has been in operation for a few years now. I have made many many children happy–it’s so spiritually uplifting to frolic with gods creatures, don’t you think? Yet, sadly there are some parents who think this might be putting children in danger somehow. I promise them that whatever happens to their child during our “Kid- N’ -Klaws”  nature hikes,  will not be nearly as bad as dying of cancer. It’s all about perspective.

The other program I have is called “Toupets” basically, it’s creating hairpieces and wigs for animals that have lost their hair in a fire, or (like you) from cancer. It’s very humiliating (and cold!!)  for cats and dogs to be without their fur! Brrrrr! I met this wonderful woman, Beulah Bijoux, who creates very realistic “fur” weaves, wigs, and toupes for bald doggies and kitties near and far. Such a good thing!

Just one small thing, Sarah. I know it sounds foolish but I would like to make sure you’re not a “spam” bot (I mean, why would anyone lie about having cancer?!) so if you could please just answer a few brief questions for me, so I know you’re real (please forgive me, but the lord advises me to be wary of something that seems to be too good of a thing!)

Here are the questions:

1: What is your favorite breakfast food, and why?

2: Which clown?

Thank you sarah, and I cannot wait for us to do the lords work together!
In the bloody rag of christ,
Leena

November 3, 2009

Leena Shirlee to Tim Bruce: “If possible, I would like to avoid any jobs involving fire, or a flaming fajita platter.”

From: Tim Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: October 29, 2009

Subject: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED

 

Hello
We are a company that conduct surveys and evaluate other
companies. We get hired to go to other peoples companies and act like customers
inorder to know how the staffs are handling their services in relation to their
customers. once we have a contract to do so, you would be directed to the
company or outlet, and you would be given the funds you need to do the job( either
purchase things or require services), after which you would write a comment on
the staffs activities and give a detailed record of your experience

examples of details you would forward to us are
1) How long it took you to get services.
2) Smartness of the attendant
3)Customer service professionalism
4)Sometimes you might be required to upset the attendant, to see how they
react to clients when they get tensed..

And we turn the information over to the company executives and they would
carry out their own duties in improving there services.

Most companies employ our assistance when people give complains
about their services, or when they feel there are needs for them to improve
their customer service. your Identity would be kept confidential as the job states
(secret shopper) you would be paid $500 for every duty you carry out, and bonus on your
transportation allowance, and funds would be given to you if you have to dine as
part of the duty

Your job will be to evaluate and comment on customer service in a wide
variety of shops, stores, restaurant and services in your area.
No commitment is made on this job, and you would have flexible hours as
it suits you. If you are interested do send in your full name contact address
and telephone number, so we can look at your distance from the locations which you have to put
your service into, and your address would also be need for your payments.
Thanks
Tim Bruce
shoppers Guide Ltd.


From: Leena Shirlee

To: Tim Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: RE: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED


Dear Mr. Bruce, well met this is Leena!

I am very interested in becoming a MYSTERIOUS SHOPPER–I can’t tell you how frustrating my job search has been. I keep sending out my resumes, but to nothing but dead air, it’s really bumming me out!

I have much experience being Mysterious. For two years I worked as the Secret Nun in the Fantasuites hotel in Minneapolis. Basically, I would hide in the popes chambers and then appear in the confessional, fully nude except for my whimple. Gotta leave something to mystery, that’s what I always say!

Then, in 1998 I had a terrible burn accident where I lost half of my face from a faulty fireworks explosion. Unfortunately everyone at that party was too drunk to notice the tragedy. “Is someone grilling bratwursts?” said my friend “Yes, it smells good!” I shouted, following the scent of my own burning flesh to nowhere.

After the accident, I fell into a deep depression; I didn’t leave my room for the whole year.  I cursed that I was  no longer sleek, or supple enough to work at the fantasuites. It seemed my whole life was doomed for damnation, and I sadly began to look for jobs where I could work from home. I tried doing that “stuff envelopes from home” thing but learned it was just a scam. (I still can’t get rid of those tootin’ envelopes!)   I tried my own sexy hotline, but it seemed clients could sense my deformity through the phones.

Me: “Hello there, sailor, are you up for some fun tonight? I’m so hot right now…”

Them: “Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! Aaaaaah!!!!”

So, one day, tired of staying at home, I decided to put on my wimple (which I still held onto as a symbol of the life I once loved) and go out on the town. To my surprise, people seemed open and accepting of me and sitting at the bar I was approached by a man who offered me a job. Quite simply, he wanted to hire me to spy on his girlfriend who he was convinced was putting SPECIAL SEXUAL DONATIONS into the offering jar. In not too short of time, I nabbed the guilty lady and received a sultans sum of cash to pay off my hospital bills.

I believe that was the turning point for me, interms of being a MYSTERY EXPERT.  I now have several costumes I wear, in addition to the Secret Nun: Spy Panda,  Investi-Gnat, Miss Terry, and Undercover Mother.

I am interested in your Mystery Shopper job and would like to know if it is possible for me to wear my costumes when I do this? If you would like me to wear another costume, please consider that about 80 percent of my face is a total mess, and unless I am well-covered it is hard to tell which side of me is the front and which side is the back.

One final note, I would prefer not being sent on assignments where there might be a fire or flaming fajita plate. I also do not work on the 4th of July as that is when I had my accident and I have my day of quiet rememberance.

If you could answer my questions, and let me know further details on the job that would be great!

All my best,
Leena

PS I am sending you a picture of me in one of my costumes.

yarnface

Miss Terry!

November 2, 2009

Beulah Bijoux to Harrison Karn: “IS IT TRUE YOUR GOING TO FLY ME TO NIGERIA FOR A NICE VACATION??”

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: We have commenced the process
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, November 2, 2009, 8:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 02/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Your mail and the content well noted. We have commenced the processing of your payment today. However, it is very important that I intimate you with the full procedure of this transaction to prepare you ahead.

Firstly, you have to give this your transaction the attention it deserve because we have huge task to clear all unpaid debts and can only achieve this with your maximum cooperation and your willingness to adhere to instructions.

We have received instruction form the Presidency, Federal Republic of Nigeria to release a total sum of US$5,500,000.00 (Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) to you in two tranches. US$800,000.00 (Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be first installment while the balance US$4,700,000.00 (Four Million Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be release to you within two you received the first installment. We have applied for the final approval and for the payment documents, i.e. Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment; these documents shall be ready by Thursday 5th of November 2009, for signing.

Based on this information you are expected in my office between Friday, 6th of November through Wednesday, 13th of November 2009 (6working days) for the signing of these documents before your funds shall be effectively transferred into your bank account.

However, in a situation where you can not make it to Nigeria within this stated time, you should let us know early so that we can make alternative arrangement. We can help you by suggesting the names and contacts of some the government nominated attorneys that can help you in signing the documents to facilitating the release of your funds.

Please, feel free to contact me anytime on my direct telephone number +234-80559-11132, for further discussion if need be.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Department

First Bank of Nigeria PLC


From: Beulah Bijxoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Re: We have commenced the process


HELLO MR. HARRISON, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX AND I JUST RECEIVED YOUR LETTER, IS IT TRUE YOU ARE GOING TO FLY ME TO NIGERIA FOR A NICE VACATION??? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY HONESTLY!!!!!  I HAVEN’T FLOWN ANYWHERE SINCE FUJI IN 1996, A YEAR BEFORE MY DEAR HUSBAND PASSED AWAY. WE ATE LOTS OF SMOKE MACKEREL, AND THEY SANG TO US AT THE RESTAURANT, SO LOVELY!!!

BEFORE I ACCEPT YOUR PLANE TICKET, I HAVE TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS. AS YOU KNOW I AM 93 YEARS OLD AND SUFFER FROM SEVERAL AILEMENTS RANGING FROM ALPERS DISEASE TO A LAPSED VULVA (THIS IS WHERE THE VULVA DISAPPEARS INTO THE BODY AND IS REABSORBED INTO THE SACRAL LUMBAR REGIONS OF THE BODY). I ALSO HAVE THE TROLLYWOOPS AFTER I EAT SPICY FOODS.  I NEED TO KNOW IS THERE GOING TO BE A DOCTOR OR A NURSE ON HAND SHOULD I HAVE ONE OF MY FITS?

I AM ALSO WONDERING CAN I BRING MY NEGRO CLEANING LADY OPHELIA BROWN WITH ME? SHE SAYS SHE HAS SOME RELATIVES SHE’D LIKE TO CATCH UP WITH, DO YOU KNOW HER?  I FIGURE IT’S A SMALL WORLD, AND YOUR PEOPLE TEND TO CLUSTER TOGETHER. THAT IS ONE THING I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED ABOUT THE NEGRO, THEY ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR FAMILIES NOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER OR MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER WHO LEAVE ME ALONE IN THIS DRAFTY HOUSE WITHOUT A PHONE CALL. DID YOU KNOW THAT PRESIDENT FORD AGED MY CHEESE BY AT LEAST 8 YEARS? ALL I CAN DO IS LAUGH. ANYWAY, ABOUT OPHELIA SHE IS VERY QUIET AND TIDY AND I PROMISE SHE WILL NOT CAUSE TOO MUCH OF A FUSS.

ALSO, OH!!  DO ANY OF YOUR STORES CARRY YOOHOO BEVERAGE? IT IS ALL I CAN DRINK NOW BESIDES WATER, AND I HEAR YOUR WATER ISN’T SAFE TO DRINK. I HOPE THAT DOESN’T SOUND RACIST, BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED THE NEGRO WAYS. I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU GET CLEAN WATER AND A GOOD HOT MEAL.

WELL, OPHELIA IS HERE AND SHE IS READY TO GREASE DOWN MY LEGS. I WISH I HAD NICE LEGS LIKE I USED TO, DID YOU KNOW I WON MY LEGS IN A CONTEST YEARS AGO? I WORE AS SHORT OF SKIRTS AS I COULD GET AWAY WITH WITHOUT BEING CLUBBED BY MY FATHER.

WELL, PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS, AND SUCH. I AM GLAD THAT I MIGHT HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE TO SEE THE WORLD BEFORE I DIE! I WILL BRING YOU A GIFT WHEN I ARRIVE, DO YOU LIKE MOLASSES DROOPS?

SPECIFICALLY YOURS
BEE BEE

Beulah Bijoux to James: “I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL LIKE A VIBROLEG MINI”

Filed under: Beulah Bijoux — ArleneShirlee @ 7:57 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

— On Tue, 10/27/09, James <beckafide7@gmail.com> wrote:

From: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>
Subject: Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.
To: “beulahbijoux@yahoo.com” <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 6:28 PM

Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.I saw your post on WordPress and I thought you might
be someone who may need a custom website built for free to further your cause.
I am supervising design students right now who are looking for a few real projects to buildin exchange for a good reference and to use the site as an example site to show future clients.
There are no catches or costs.  Having a site online only requires web hosting
which is $5 month and includes the domain name also for free.

If you would like more info on the free website program please email me back for more info.
Let me know what type of site you are in need of.
The restrictions are:
site must be under 10 pages in size.
the site cannot be adult in nature.
I do not do sites with flash movies on them.
Just professional business sites.

I gladly do links , logos, custom backgrounds, blogs, forums, shopping carts, movies, audio, and WordPress blogs
Up to ten pages in size.  All for no cost during our free design program.

If its something you could use then lets talk about it !
Thanks for your time.  James

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>

Date: October 28,2009

Subject: Re: Re: WordPress post: Freeweb site design / wordpress setup offer.



HELLO MR. JAMES THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (WIFE OF MOLASSES TYCOON BUSTER BIJOUX) AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A WORDPRESS, IS THIS A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? I JUST GOT MY COMPUTER AND THAT IS AS FAR AS IT GOES WITH ME, I TOLD MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER NO FANCY BELLS, JUST A COMPUTER SO I CAN STAY IN TOUCH WITH MY NEPHEW OVER IN IRAQ AND THAT IS WHAT SHE GOT ME.

SO FAR I AM NOT VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE TO ME, HOW DO THEY GET MY ADDRESS? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MY NEPHEW BUT NOW EVERYONE WRITES ME LETTERS AND I HAVE A HARD TIME KEEPING UP. MY MOTHER TOLD ME IT’S RUDE TO IGNORE LETTERS, SO I HAVE TO WRITE TO YOU BUT HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WITH THIS “WORD” PRESS, IS IT A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? MY LITTLE BROTHER JOHNNY BIJOUX BROUGHT US SOME FANCY MACHINE FROM POLAND IN 1946 HE SAID IT WAS ABLE TO READ NAZI RADIO TELEPHATHY SIGNALS, BUT ALL IT DID WAS SIT IN THE HOUSE TAKING UP SPACE AND STINKING TO HIGH HEAVEN UNTIL THE NEGRO MAIDS DID AWAY WITH IT. JOHNNY CLAIMED THAT HE PICKED UP A FEW SIGNALS FROM NAZIS THAT ESCAPED AND HE WENT OUT SEARCHING FOR THEM WITH HIS BAYONET RIFLE BUT WHEN HE CAME BACK HE HAD ONLY A HANDFUL OF DEAD RABBITS AND HE WAS NEVER THE SAME. I HATE RABBITS.

I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO BUY YOUR WORDPRESS MACHINE, I AM SORRY BUT I AM VERY OLD AND I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL FOR MY HEALTH LIKE THE VIBROLEG MINI (FOR MY ALPERS DISEASE) OR A JACKRABBIT INTERNAL MASSAUSE.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SALES,
SPECIFICALLY YOURS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE)

vibroleg copy

WHERE CAN I FIND THESE

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